Well it is that time of year again. Single women around the globe get depressed and stressed over their singleton status then we eat lots of chocolate and holiday foods.
I am never technically alone at holiday time. When all the numbers are added up I have 19 members of my immediate family. If you include spouses, nieces and nephews, grandparents etc. the number rises drastically. Plus I have many good friends that I could call on at a moments notice. So there is never really a chance that I will be "alone" for the holidays. In reality though, I have been a singleton for every Christmas season I can remember. So while I am technically not alone, the holidays remind me just how single I really am. Don't get me wrong, siblings, parents, and friends are great and I love my time with them, but that is not what we are talking about here. This has been on my mind for the past week. Most girls stress over being alone for the rest of their life. I will admit that I can be found stressing over it on occasion; but I am more often then not okay with my status. I like where I am in my life. This week I realized that even though I dislike being alone, it is preferable to being with someone who does not want to be with me. In my head I hear Cheap Trick singing: "I want you to want me."
I am tired of the game. I am tired of trying to sell myself. I know I am not any good at sales. I never have been, I am too shy on the inside. It makes me feel as if I am forcing people to be my friend. That is not a good feeling in the dating world. I want someone who thinks I am interesting enough to pursue. I want someone who will approach me, some one who wants me. Sooooo.........until I find someone who is willing to put forth a little effort I will be single. Every girl deserves to be wanted and needed. I know Christmas hasn't come yet, but that is going to become my New Years Resolution. Not exactly a "Down with Men" year; but a resolve to not date those men that don't think I am worth the effort of pursuit.
Now I am off to pack. I am to fly out in 7 hours and I am not finished packing.
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night.
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4 comments:
I am so proud of my Rae Rae. Honey you are worthy of pursuit and any man who doesn't realize that, isn't worth wasting your time on anyway. Merry Christmas and thanks for Bobby.
You are worthy of pursuit. Even though this season is hard for us single women (Hitting 30 on Christmas Day is a little weird, trust me) don't be down. You're a wonderful person that as you well know, isn't valued by whether or not there's a ring on your finger.
'mkay?
Since when have you ever been shy . . . on the inside or otherwise??? Maybe a little guarded, perhaps . . . I'll grant you that . . . but shy? Never.
Thanks for all of the nice comments...I'll just say this was 3 am talking.
To answer Anonymous; I have always been shy, my Arizona dad describes it thus:
We work so hard to get out in front of our shyness, that most people don't realize that inside we are terrified.
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