Dreams....

It is amazing what floats to the surface in your dreams. In this morning's I find I am just as melodramatic as I was in the teenage years they portray.

The dream is already fading but I remember that I was a teenager again, all loud mouthed and big feet. But in this dream I was attending some sort of private school for girls. There were uniforms and some sort of military precision. The dream covered a couple of days and each time I was corrected in someway by my peers. My uniform was not right. I didn't have the right shirt on. My sleeves were too short. I was the flag bearer, and during a moment of shock the flag did not stand up straight. Okay.. I was actually at the front of a crowd and the pole dipped backwards to hit the people behind me with the flag. (Snort) Another incident was when I asked to look at an old metro map of DC that one of the girls had. I noticed that the green line was missing and the red, orange, and blue lines were incomplete. When a girl told me that the colors referred to walls around the city, I corrected her and explained the metro system. Only to be told that I was not to be rude... even if I was right. The final moment had the girls  lining up to go inside the school. I was the last in line and once again holding the pole with the flag on it. The girl in front of me turned around to ask me not to stand next to her. I responded that there was no where else to stand. But unfortunately she didn't care as long as I didn't stand next to her. So with no where else to go I trudged down the front walk to stand by myself. Of course this placed me out of line and therefore the teacher (or headmistress or what ever she was) came over to ask why I was not in the line. To which the drama queen I am replied...."I was asked to move away from the others" and then I woke up.

Can we say drama queen even in my dreams. Yet while the dream was nothing like my real school experiences the fears that it portrayed were quite real... and to some extent still are. Everyone wants to fit in somewhere. The need for acceptance, even if it is not mainstream acceptance, never fades. As a teenager I was blessed with a best friend who flitted with me from group to group. This allowed me to be as social as I wanted to be while providing a cover for when I had no desire to be social. As an adult I have found friends who do the same.... There was many a party provided by Steph that required my presence but not my attention. I had to attend but I was not required to socialize and could bring any book I wanted. For parties are just like high school... trying to find a place to fit in the crowd that has been assembled.

So why do I write about this... life is about finding your place in it. Whatever you do, you must be comfortable in who you are and what you do. While I am still working to achieve my "what I do" goals, I was able to accept who I am years ago.  I am very grateful that I am blessed with friends who understand me and accept me for who I am.