Growing up....

Today I had one of those moments.... You know, the ones you don't want to have but learn to deal with as an adult. It's the moment that you recognize just because you really want something doesn't mean it is going to happen. My school offers a program that includes 6 weeks in Nice living with a French family and attending a French school. On top of that you get to go to Paris for a week and then after that spend 3 days in the Loire Valley. 

Why I should and/or shouldn't go on the study abroad to France:

Pros:

1. My dream job would be to work in the archives of a library in France.... or Germany, or England, or Spain. A trip abroad would look better on a resume. 
2. The grad school that I really really want to attend is in Montreal. It is also completely french-speaking and therefore was removed from my list of possible schools when I realized I wouldn't be fluent by grad school. While I am currently at an intermediate level of French, my professors say what I need to switch from thinking in English and translating to French and actually speaking french is complete immersion in the language and culture. That is not possible here in the states, especially not in the state of Utah. 
3. Among the thing provided by our school is the entrance fees to museums in every place we visit. While I have seen and worked with museums and libraries in the states, it would be good to understand how things work in France. 
4. In is FRANCE! I mean really.... France has been on my places to visit since I was a kid.... and not just Paris, though I want to see all the cools things that are there. I want to see the rest of France more than Paris. DaVinci's house, the castles, the medieval towns, and everything else that France has to offer.

Cons:

1. Money, money, money (oh to have a sugar daddy. Lol!)
2. The delay in graduation might only be a few months but it could affect my acceptance into my grad programs. If I had to choose between grad school and France, I should choose School right?
3. If I choose to get my education from an American college the door is still open to at least apply for jobs in Europe (right?) Unfortunately, if I fail out of school in Montreal because I don't understand the language I am screwed. 

So why am I posting this? Because I will need the reminder in the coming months.  

After crunching the numbers again and again, I realized that there is no way I can afford France and grad school at the same time. For 3 years now I have wanted to take part of the summer and study abroad in France. Every year I have thought about going. And Every year something has kept me from applying. This year as I prepared for grad school I thought I might actually make it work. The big deterrent these past 2 years has been work. As that is no longer an issue I thought I might finally get the chance. But.... where as when I was working I could afford to go but didn't have the time off, with out a job I have the time, but can't afford it. *sigh* This makes me sad. But accepting reality is part of being an adult. I may have those lists of pros and cons but they don't mean much when the money becomes an issue. I have never wanted to be one of those kids from the rich families as much as I do right now. Lol!

For now I will just accept reality and be excited that I am graduating in just over 6 months.