Saturday, December 29
What you don’t remember those days…..whoops…..I guess I am again admitting that I am a geek.
Not to worry everyone…I am almost finished with the current series. I am on the last book…which I have never read before. So if I am not answering your calls or returning email or text it is not because I hate you or am ignoring you. I am just sunk in the world of Navy Seals, FBI, police detectives, terrorists, and serial killers. Good thing the good guys always win in the books, right? If only it happened in real life too.
I promise to surface before I have to be at work on Monday but don’t expect me before then. Long live the good guys fighting for our freedom. (Darn….the acknowledgements to these books get me every time. Lol!)
P.S. If you have sent me a message; I promise to listen to it when I return to the land of the living and not a second sooner. This was just to let everyone know I am still alive.
Friday, December 28
1. Where were you on New Years Eve?
I had to check of course, but now I remember the New Years Eve party at Paul and Ellen’s. It was quite fun and definitely interesting.
2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?
Who doesn’t….they all failed miserably…but that won’t stop me from making new ones.
3. Does it snow where you live?
It should….But it is not! It makes me want to cry.
1. Who was your Valentine?
I couldn’t find one written about on any of my blogs… I can think of a few crushes. But there wasn’t a valentine that I can remember. Again.
2. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Am I supposed to? Never really thought about the poor rodent!
1. Are you Irish?
I believe there is a trace of the Irish in the mutt blood that I have.
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Always! It is my favorite holiday.
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2007?
I have no idea. Did I do anything? Anyone?
4. Are you happy when winter is over?
Yes and No. I love winter but there is something about being able to walk with out the biting wind or sleet.
1. Do you like the rain?
I love the Rain!!!
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
I never got in to April Fool’s jokes…I feel bad when I make someone else feel silly.
3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Not tons…but I believe there was Easter candy consumed this year. I did get this really cute bucket from this girl that was visiting from England…what was her name? She was a doll….hmmm. I’ll have to ask Gina.
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
5. Do you love the month of April?
Yes! Usually……..maybe……..I don’t know. I think so.
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
I love the Forget-me-nots. But I also love Lilacs…so much so that my mother planted them in our yard just for me!
3. Finish the phrase "April showers":
bring May flowers. What do Mayflowers bring? PILGRIMS!
4. What is the first color you think of when you think of Spring?
forget me not blue….pastel Green….
1. What year do/did you graduate from High School?
2. Anything special happen to you in June?
I got roses for my birthday. That was huge for me. I mean…I haven’t received flowers since I was 19…I probably won’t receive them again until my late thirties. Lol! I also got to see the Riverdance perfomace and Wolf Trap. That was pretty cool. Special? Maybe…but still pretty cool.
1. What did you do on the Fourth of July?
I was in the Fourth of July parade in DC. I helped hold Cheer Bear! Way cool!! Then I slept. Lol!
2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
My sister got married so I went home for a visit. Not quite sure it could be considered a vacation but it was nice to see everyone
1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
I went to a church campout. It was fun.
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '06?
I think the wedding has some fun memories and the parade was definitely fun, and the birthday parties that ran rampant this year were fun.
3. Did you have a sunburn?
Yes…me and the DMV are still not friends
4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Not once. I know I am still a little sad about that. Maybe next year. *Sigh*
1. Did you attend college in 06?
No. I am still wishing!
2. Do you like fall better than summer?
I love the fall as much as I love the spring…Summer is probably my least favorite season, though I still like it.
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume?
I still didn’t dress up this year but there were a bunch of adorable kids that came to the house this year. It was great!
2. What's your favorite candy?
I love Candy Corn.
3. What did you dress up as this year?
4. Carve a pumpkin this year?
No but Jen did…of a vampire biting a girl’s neck. Which lead to a rather embarrassing moment for one of the girls when she described it as a man eating a woman…she learned something new that day. Lol!
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
I went to the Hinkson Family Reunion this year. $0 odd people at the church and then Grandma Hinkson’s house for Pie!
2. Do you love stuffing?
I love Stuffing! It goes with Mash Potatoes and Gravy! Oh I miss those foods. I wonder if I could make them on my own with out ruining them? Hmmmm…..
3. What are you thankful for?
Peace of Mind, Family, Good Friends, and so many other things….but mostly the people in my life, they have such an impact!
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yeah, this year it was subdued but very enjoyable with the Taylor family.
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Not that I remember. Would be nice to have happen….Anyone know when Jacob from Twilight will be standing under some Mistletoe?
3. Get anything special ?
I am calling it the year of food…almost every thing I got is attached to food some how. I look forward to filling my recipe book with recipes.
4. What did you want this year?
Well, you know….I am pretty happy with the way things turned out.
5. Do you like cold weather?
YES! I love the snow…It would figure that the one year I didn’t go home they would get the kind of snow we haven’t seen in years. *Sigh* that’s it. I am moving to Alaska!
And that is my year in review now all I have to do is figure out my new years resolutions……
Thursday, December 27
- Christmas with the Taylors......Always fun!
- Juno with Kate....interesting.
- 4 books read...got to love them Navy Seal stories....lol!
- Touring the White House.....E cracks me up...I remember why I like to hang out with her.
- German food.......my stomach, not the jury, is still awaiting the verdict. I probably should have stuck with the sausages instead of the pork
Monday, December 24
Christmas Canon Rock:
And this one is is just because I think it is way fun!
Wizards in Winter:
Sunday, December 23
2, 104 miles away from my family, surrounded mostly by strangers, I attended church today. This is only the second time I have spent Christmas away from my family. The first time I was a missionary, so it isn’t the same.
These days, everywhere I turn, I am reminded of the fact that I am not with family. No were more forcefully then at this morning’s church services
It has been a while since I have attended a family ward. As always, church is a pleasant experience when surrounded by little children. The Christmas program is beautiful. Kate’s mother is the choir director in this ward and the music is really amazing. Amber and I ooh’ed and ahh’ed over the children’s primary choir. But it is still off to sit through a family ward Christmas program and not recognize the faces of those around me.
In my mind I can see the ward back home. I can see Paul, James, and Luke sitting on the family pew. (We always sit on the right side of the chapel on the shorter benches. It was Mom and Dad’s way of dividing and conquering. They could sit next to each other and yet each kid was with in arms length. Therefore they could reach out and dispense justice any time it was needed. Lol!) Though, now that the boys are older and James and Paul play instruments they might have been tapped to help with the Christmas program….I’ll have to ask them. I can almost hear our choir back home…with the Wilkinsons, The Hepworths, Sister Clayton, Sister Lambert, and the priest quorum (for some reason, ever since I was a kid, all of our priests have been in the choir.)
I wonder what the Bishops remarks will be about. I know the gospel is the same all over the world. I know that the Music program is just as good here(especially with Kate’s Mom handling the program; she has really chosen some amazing pieces for the choir). But it feels different. It doesn’t feel like home.
Uh Oh….looks like it is time for the Bishop here to speak to us. I had better pay attention…….
We were scheduled to meet Angelee and Mark for dinner at 6. Upon arriving early we decided to walk around a cobblestone street that had this small bookstore (yes, it was my suggestion). Unfortunately, as we were leaving the parking garage I met the pavement up close and personal. Not one of my better moments but a common occurrence. Hopefully, the bruises won't show up for a bit. I don’t want my legs all banged up for church in the morning. Lol! At the bookstore, Kate came upon something she had never seen before. A book titled Naughty or Nice: Christmas Erotica. Who knew there exsisted such a book, apparently the staff at our book store, it was a ‘Staff Pick’. Lol! After killing time we headed to a German/Italian restaurant that our friend Mark had suggested called Acapella. The food and company was great. We even look happy. After 2 cherry cokes, 3 Tylenol and some good food, I almost didn’t feel the pain in my knee and ankle. Lol!
One of the worries that we all shared was dress code for this concert. We knew it was in a college arena, so we figured it would be a closer to a casual attire event and dressed accordingly. When we arrived we saw couples in all sorts of outfits. One lady was even wearing a formal opera cape but with the mix we didn’t stand out. Our seats were actually pretty great. Kate told me our tickets say we weren’t allowed to take pictures but the guards who searched my bag made no comments about my camera so I had fun. Most pictures were of us, I was trying to obey the rules but some of the laser shots were too good to miss. I will post them when I get them down loaded.
The concert was amazing!!! I loved it and more then once I felt bad that I didn’t think to invite my friend Perry the drummer. He would have loved the drum solo in the middle of the concert. It totally rocked.
I am going to close with Quotes from the evening:
K: If you are going to try German food, you should try it someplace like this.
R: What a German/Italian Restaurant?
A: If I can’t date a fun guy, I can’t eat a Fungi.
R: That doesn’t come out sounding like you want it to.
A: Alright then I can’t eat a fungi if I am not going to date a fun guy.
(It doesn’t look as funny as it sounds out loud. With the homonym it sounds deliciously dirty.)
R: I don’t usually consider myself a worldly person, and then I come to a place like this.
A: It's like Tchaikovsky with a twist.
R: Yeah, Tchaikovsky meets a 1980's hair band.
A: “For a minute there, it felt like we were at a rock concert.”
R: “Hon, we are at a rock concert.
K: License and Registration please. (Because of the bright lights)
P: I am beginning to feel as if we are being brainwashed
K: I’m walking in Memphis….
R: Next TSO concert, remember to bring the sunglasses.
M: And your sunscreen.
R: Can you get a sunburn from stage lights?
R: We're here, guess I should put my clothes on.
Saturday, December 22
Tonight I went to the movies with Kate to see P.S. I Love You. I know that when you attend a movie each audience member is supposed to find a way to connect with the movie. We are supposed to find a character that we can empathize and/or sympathize with. That is the point of movies. Tonight it was disturbing to see my fears and insecurities played out over and over again on the big screen. I wonder how many people feel the same way, I hope it wasn't just me.I would like to note that I am actually pretty happy being single. I just recognize that there could be something better if I could overcome my own fears.
Years ago my parents made choices that affected the lives of their children. Today I wondered what my life would have been like if they had made different choices. This is not something I usually dwell on. I know I can’t change it. It was not my choice to make and who knows if I would have made different ones were I in their shoes. I can only hope that I have learned from the choices that they have made.
I was 11 and a half when my parents choose to separate for the final time. I still remember the pain as we flew out of the airport in Riyadh. I think there were tears, but I don't remember it very clearly. I wrote about it in my journal. It wasn’t a pleasant entry, but one full of anger, fear, and pain. Shortly later, my mother chose to remarry. Again, it was not something in my control and I found myself in a situation that was out of my realm of experience. I have learned that the choices of the parents directly affect all of the children involved. There are 15 children that have been affected by the choices of my parents, for good or bad. As I have matured (Am I maturing or just getting older?) I have taken responsibility for my own choices and how they not only affect me but also those around me.
In tonight's movie, I saw a 30 year old woman break because she had put faith in marriage and it had failed yet again. At 14 she had known the pain of having her father leave their little family. Now 16 years later her husband had left her. Not by choice, by death. Noone was at fault, but it had happened all the same. She had put her trust in him being there forever only to find that he wouldn’t be there.
So I ask what if my parents hadn’t divorced….. ? What if my mother and step father hadn’t been so unhappy…? What if I hadn’t made the stupid choices I did at 19…..? Would I have more faith in the institution of marriage? Do you really think it would have changed things? Would I be one of those happy married people with homes and church callings and children and dogs (well not dogs I am allergic you know. Lol!)? I'll never really know but I think that even if my parents had made different choices my fears wouldn't have changed much. I am pretty sure I would still be the cynic I am today. I have made too many personal choices to cause said cynicism. I recognize my own lack of faith in men sticking around or marriages that are happy. Even by the time I was 11 I realized that most marriages weren’t a happy thing.
Somehow I have lost that original faith and trust in love and marriage. I do not have it and I don’t know how to restore it. I know there are things that I have no control over; even though I don’t want to believe it. I want to have control; to know that I will make the right choice. But no one can make those promises. No one can be assured that they will have the 60 years of marriage that they want, to have happiness for a lifetime. Even eternity is not a sure thing. So how do you put your faith in something so fallible? Where is there someone that would make me want to put faith in something like that? I have yet to meet him.
What I do know is that this is the life I am supposed to live. I know that the choices that have been made have given me empathy for those around me. Maybe the reason I have lived this life is to help me understand faith. To learn to have faith, not in the fallibility of those around me but in a Father who has a plan for me to return to Him. To have the faith to overcome the fear and find peace in the life that I have been given. Truly understand and accept that the Father knows best.
Maybe when I have learned these things fully, I will be prepared for a relationship. Maybe I will be ready to trust someone and allow them to be a part of my life. I am not ready yet, but I can always hope for the future. Until that time I will continue to find the joy and pleasure of my current status as a Singleton.
Friday, December 21
I guess my dad… The story goes like this: I was supposed to be a boy and they were going to name me Joseph Ray. Arizona Dad’s middle name is Ray, when I was a girl they decided that Rachel would work instead.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I can’t remember….But the next time will probably be when I see the movie P.S. I Love you with Kate tonight.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes…others I think it looks like a chicken scratch
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Warm! I hate cold meat sandwiches
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Nope….maybe someday I will adopt a whole slew of 8-10yr olds. Kids are great at that
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would sure hope so…
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
All the time.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, I don't remember having them removed.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I plan to…another some day
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don’t really eat cereal
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No…it takes too long. Lol!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Not really. I am a wuss…but I have a pretty good tolerance for pain. So I figure I am okay.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Mango…no wait....peach….no wait…strawberry…wait I don’t know…But I know it is a fruit flavor.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I am not sure; I don’t think I am very observant about people.
15. RED OR PINK?
Definitely Red….. pink is too girly
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I am 28 and usually to self absorbed to be social.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
There are so many to choose from when I am living so far from my family and a lot of my friends. If I had to pick just one that would be Courtney. It has been 17 1/2 years since she died and I still wonder what she would say about the decisions I have made.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
I am blogging this for Sarah! So no one has to respond!
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Do you really care? I have blue jeans on and White blue and grey tennis shoes
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
It is Friday we have doughnuts in the office…yum!
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Sadly it is still Christmas in Kilarney. At least I know all of the right words now.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
a. Outside: Rain or shine, there is something about fresh air.
b. Books: whether it is the brand new book smell or from the used bookstore it doesn't matter.
c. Sarah had the best answer: Men’s aftershave…..Yum!
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I was just manning the phones at the front desk…so it was someone I sent to voice mail. Personally, it was Kate Last night.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Heck yeah! Sarah is one of my favorite people, even if she does put me in a head lock sometimes. Lol!
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I love going to watch baseball and Hockey…I don’t usually watch any sport on TV
27. HAIR COLOR?
It depends on what I am wearing and who you ask. The answer I give is usually strawberry dishwater blonde. Some people say it is red, some blonde, and a daring few even say brown. Who knows, surely not me.
28. EYE COLOR?
I think they are green now; they used to be blue when I was younger.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope….though I think glasses might be in my future again.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Ummm….Food. Other then cooked fish. I like it all!
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Definitely Happy Endings where everything works out. I know it isn’t real, but if I wanted real I would watch the news!
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Sadly Waitress…not one I suggest but my roommate rented it and loaned it to me.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Again, why do you care? A green long sleeve with white work polo over it
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
All of the above, but spring and fall are my favorites.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Depends on the situation….sometimes all I want to give is a handshake. Lol!
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Probably fruit flavored ice cream
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Over the Edge by Suzanne Brockmann
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I’m going commando – just my desk.
(Sorry Sar; I had to steal it. It made me laugh out loud…but only you and Meg would know how funny I think that is coming form you.)
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
The weather Channel, a couple of CSI’s, and some movie I don’t really remember. I was reading the latest post secret book
40. FAVORITE SOUND?
I am not sure…I love the sound of the ocean, or the quite of the library, or most music, or the sound of family.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
It would have to be the Rolling Stones; I am not a Beatles fan.
41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
On my own? FL and DC…Saudi was home when I was there. Lol!
42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Not that I can think of…I am fairly normal.
43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
44. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
11:07 am DC time
Thursday, December 20
Here is the Christmas song that I remember most clearly from my oh so long ago youth. :P
A version of this song was played frequently. I wish I could find the right version, this one is slower then the one I know but it is all I could find. Hopefully you can enjoy it like I do. Just be grateful you are not in my office, I am singing along! Lol!
Wednesday, December 19
Finally all my gifts are purchased. Well almost all; I have to pick up one last gift card to finish off a gift. But other then that, all gifts have been purchased. There is still wrapping and delivering.....including the shipping of my mothers gift but that will be done on my lunch break tomorrow.
Hallelujah, I am done!
Tuesday, December 18
The pale solitary figure staring out the windows of the train or bus; watching the dark streets pass with the occasional house decked out in Christmas lights. The young woman is given a wide berth by the strangers that surround her; not because she is ill or dangerous, but because she is different and aloof. Her reticence is sometimes taken as snobbishness, but in reality is nothing more then an innate shyness. The girl covers her discomfort by wearing headphones and holding a book in her lap. The strangers steal glances from the corners of their eyes; rarely looking at her directly and seeming a little flustered if she turns her gaze on them. What do they see in her eyes?The time is usually used to think on the things I want to blog about. Unfortunately, I rarely have my computer on at that time therefore thoughts are never given substance. My thoughts are currently centered firmly in the past. It started with the re-emergence or Mr. Anonymous followed so closely by the Hinkson clan’s family reunion, Thanksgiving and now Christmas. How can you not think of the past when thinking about the holidays? There are traditions and memories that will never fade with time. Of course, my memory is fuzzy about so many of the little details that I need others to help me remember them. I want to remember them and so here are snippets of my past that I can’t seem to forget:
- My daddy picking me up from school (he was hiding the fact that my friends were gathering for a surprise party at my house)
- Sitting on the stairs listening to my mother cry, the sense of dread that filled me as my small world was filled with death for the first time
- Crying as we sat in the Airport in Riyadh
- Gathering in the tiny apartment in Ohio with Grandma and Grandpa Hinkson for that first Hinkson family meeting
- Staying with Aunt Jo in her apartment, foot rubs, needles, and spaghetti with sugar in it.
- Derek Pino…..Lol! Enough said
- The dreadful drive from Sundance to the Bishops house after the horrible scene in the parking lot….the fear and worry……
- Spaghetti and Hot dogs...Sorry Patty…..that is a memory that won’t ever fade Lol!
- Chicken and Jo-Jos at Grandma and Grandpa Galloway’s house
- Pulling curtain for my first show…'How to Succeed in Business'
- Drew and I talking in the backyard
- Waking up one morning to find that Adam had written something in the snow outside my window
- That same Adam getting in an accident and calling me; which was followed by my mother relaxing the rules so that I could talk to him [I was grounded, yet again, but Mom always liked that Shelley boy :)]
- Dances….. Tiana and I talked about these last night. Lol!
- Apples and Caramel at the counter in the Thorne’s kitchen
- Curled up on the floor of my closet reading
- Days Inn
- Nights with Shelley and the rest of the gang at Sears…learning to play Canasta, read Ranma ½, and getting to meet so many people; the good and the bad
- Sarah putting me in a headlock
- Meg at my kitchen table in tears
- Mornings in the MTC Kitchen
- 9/11 at the MTC and then later at the office where 2 of our guys were lost in NYC
- Mama Bert in La Puenta……….
My current mood could be caused by my current obsession with Colbie Caillat. For some reason I seem to be in the mood for listening to her CD in repeat.....Lol! Enjoy:
Monday, December 17
Wednesday, December 12
It is the holiday season after all I should be writing something. But my thoughts have been rather maudlin lately. I know it has somewhat to do with my choice not to go home for the holidays. The only family Christmas I have missed was when I was a missionary and while I was sad then it was offset by the amazing experiences I was having. It’s not like I don’t have things to do. I have the ward Christmas parties (one last week and one this Friday) and the Work holiday party on Saturday. I am going to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra in Richmond on the 22nd. Kate has offered to let me have dinner with her family on Christmas Day. I have a visit to the White house on the 27th (trying to make up for the one that I missed earlier this year) I am going to see My Fair Lady after the first of the year. There is shopping to be done and gift giving and everything else. Yay! But there is no tree here, no decorations, no family traditions, and no family; which seems to make all the difference.
Thursday, December 6
and No, the snow didn't let up until I was home. Lol!
I LOVE when it snows!
Wednesday, December 5
Lately though, I have been fascinated by the occurrences of people searching the google images for the picture below. Lol! At least 2 or 3 times a day, around the world, someone finds this pic on my family’s blog from a random google search. Maybe I should be a little more worried…but in reality I am laughing.
Tuesday, December 4
Unfortunately, last night the receiver box arrived. After a small battle with requiring a screwdriver and some elbow grease, I now have TV in my bedroom. Yes, concentration is difficult. But the show Life last night made me laugh! Then I made a cool discovery.
This morning while searching for the weather channel I came across Channel 374.
I have BYU TV!I know, I'm a geek. But I'm really excited about that. I can watch all of the devotionals and everything. Lol!
I feel like my mother.
Tee Hee Hee.....
Sunday, December 2
Everyone I have spoken to is in love with Edward. I can understand the pull and by the end of book one I was in complete agreement with my cousin’s statement of wanting her own Edward. But as I progressed through book two and book three I came to disagree. I think I would prefer my own Jacob. Lol! I am probably the only one that finds this extremely ironic. Let me explain.
I noticed while reading these books that the author liked to incorporate the classic works of fiction; Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights (which I now want to read) etc. As I read New Moon and Eclipse I kept seeing the role of Colonel Brandon being played by the young Jacob. At first this frustrated me. Anyone who knows the story of Sense and Sensibility realizes that Maryanne ends up with good Colonel Brandon. He is the man that is best for her, the one who loves her the most. I have always hated that story for just that reason. I never cared what Brandon felt. I thought that Maryanne settled for less then she deserved. She deserved a Willoughby that was a good man but she settled for the lackluster relationship to be had with Brandon instead of waiting for something better. Not that Willoughby would have gotten any better, but maybe, just maybe, there would have been something like that available with someone else at another time. I thought she was a coward and took the safe option.
But time and again, as I read these books, my sympathies went to Jacob. Edward was the handsome Willoughby. He swooped in with his looks and talents and advantages and there love blossomed. This time though, Willoughby was deserving of the fair Maryanne; he was a good man. He deserved her affection and the sacrifices he made were for her. So this time she didn’t have to settle. But would it really have been settling? The love was there, just as strong, if not more powerful. Jacob was the steady comfort that would never leave. He watched over Bella as she struggled to come back from the edge of despair; helping as much as he was able. Of course there were the mistakes of the young and foolish, but nothing that was unforgivable. He would have been perfect for Bella, fulfilling all of her mortal dreams. But her dreams were no longer of the mortal kind. While, her choice is not one I would have made (I think I prefer Fire to Ice), I can understand and realize that Jacob deserves more then second place. I am aching to read book 4 when it comes out, in hopes that he finds first place with another.
Back to my original thought, somehow I have come 180 degrees from my original view of dear Colonel Brandon. I seem to be sympathizing with the Colonel. *GASP* Maybe my perspective has changed over the years. Maybe I realized that I no longer dream of a Willoughby to come in and sweep me off my feet. I can stand on my own two feet just fine. Maybe I now hope for days when I can enjoy the constant steady love that is borne of trust and friendship. The consistent kind of love that will keep me from the edge of insanity that seems to permeate my life.