Labels

Class was cancelled today and so this morning I sat in the library trying to complete my homework. Since I was reading documents about slavery I was completely engrossed and therefore have been oblivious to those around me. Sadly, that is normal for me. But a few minutes ago the student next to me sneezed. I immediately raised my head to say bless you. It is a habit that I refuse to break. But as I raised my head, and saw the person I stumbled over my own thoughts.

It was just one of those thoughts that whips through your head in the blink of an eye. I had heard the sneeze and assumed the student who had sneezed was a girl. I don't know why, but in my head it sounded feminine. So when I raised my head and saw the person my thoughts stalled. You couldn't tell the gender of the person sitting across form me. It threw me for a minute. Not that it changed my actions in anyway, but in my head I was trying to place a label on this stranger.

It took just a few seconds for all of these thoughts to go through my mind but it changed my whole focus this morning. As I tried to place this stranger, I stopped and wondered why it was necessary. My actions would not change due to a difference in gender. They should not change, to me that is what affirmative action and the various right's movements were all about. It is not that we are colored or gender blind. It is that these things should not provide a label for an individual. Our actions should be dependent upon the individual we are conversing with, not with the color of their skin, their religion, their sexual preference, or their gender.

Yet, as I stuttered this morning, I realized that we all use these labels to define the world around us. People can define me as a single, white, Mormon. Yet that doesn't tell my whole story. We must learn to see the world as individuals that are making choices according to their circumstances, not according to the labels that society assigns.

I am not saying that the labels are always wrong. Stereotypes are there for a reason. BUT we must step away from the thought that we can define the world by labels. One step away from that takes us a step closer to accepting people for who they are and helping them to become who they want to be.

Yes, I sound naive. This doesn't mean that I am going to trust the scary guy who is lurking in the parking lot at the end of my shift. But it does mean that I wouldn't trust the scary girl either.
What it really means, is that I am going to try to stop trying to fit everyone in a category of society. If I don't fit into a category, why would I expect anyone else to?

Not my usual style...

I don't usually rant about things that irritate me on my blog. But this came to my attention today and it has really gotten under my skin. So the 4 people who actually read my blog are going to have to suffer through my rant.

A picture ended up on Facebook and Twitter on Tuesday that has upset. ( I have added the link for the note and picture from the sites here and here.)
A young woman was studying on campus at BYU (Brigham Young University) and was approached by a young man. Since it was Valentine's Day she assumed the letter he handed her was some sort of love note... (Now everyone thinks "Awww Sweet") Instead what she actually received was this:

For those that can't read the tiny print let me type it out for you:

 

You may want to consider that what you're wearing has a negative effect on meant (and women) around you. Many people come to this university because they feel safe, morally as well as physically, here. They expect others to abide by the Honor Code that we all agreed on. Please consider your commitment to the Honor Code (which you agreed to) when dressing each day.  

Now you might not know what BYU's honor code is. BYU is an LDS (Latter-Day Saint or Mormon) University. All students that attend, both LDS and non-LDS sign an agreement that they will conduct themselves in a certain manner both on and off campus. Essentially they agree to live the standards of the LDS faith.

According to the BYU website the honor code states:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men. . . . If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things (Thirteenth Article of Faith).
As a matter of personal commitment, faculty, administration, staff, and students of Brigham Young University, Brigham Young University—Hawaii, Brigham Young University—Idaho, and LDS Business College seek to demonstrate in daily living on and off campus those moral virtues encompassed in the gospel of Jesus Christ, and will

• Be honest 
• Live a chaste and virtuous life 
• Obey the law and all campus policies 
• Use clean language 
• Respect others 
• Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse 
• Participate regularly in church services 
• Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards 
• Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code

Specific policies embodied in the Honor Code include (1) the Academic Honesty Policy, (2) the Dress and Grooming Standards, (3) the Residential Living Standards, and (4) the Continuing Student Ecclesiastical Endorsement. (Refer to institutional policies for more detailed information.

So now I know you are all dying to see what she was wearing right?  What outfit was so trashy that some young man felt the need to approach this woman?


Yes, this young women was wearing a dress, leggings, boots, and a long sleeve sweater. According to the young man that saw her this was immodest.

After seeing this, I again went to the BYU website to see what was specifically stated about dress and Grooming for women. I understand that in the real world, i.e. the workforce, there is often a dress code that one must follow, so I am not arguing that one should be included in the honor code. I was just trying to understand what in this outfit broke that code.

Using the same link as above I scrolled down to dress and grooming and this is what it said:

The dress and grooming of both men and women should always be modest, neat, and clean, consistent with the dignity adherent to representing The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and any of its institutions of higher education

Reading further you find these specifics for women:

A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, strapless, backless, or revealing; has slits above the knee; or is form fitting. Dresses, skirts, and shorts must be knee-length or longer. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extremes in styles or colors. Excessive ear piercing (more than one per ear) and all other body piercing are not acceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas.

With that in mind I went back to her picture. The outfit is neither sleeveless, strapless, backless or revealing. The skirt is short yes, but the leggings are more like pants and, though they are form fitting, she is still covered and therefore not inappropriate in my mind. As a matter of fact, in contrast to what the young man wrote in his note, it is obvious that this young lady put thought and effort into this outfit so she could present a "clean and well-cared for appearance" when she got ready for the day.

Now, I must admit, I looked for rules on leggings specifically. I think that might be the only part of this outfit that might not jive with the dress code. Only because they could be considered form fitting. But there was no specific reference to tight jeans or leggings on the website. According to a Fox News report, jeggings were considered okay for dress code, so why not leggings. Either way, I can't make a firm statement on that.

So now you wonder why I am ranting....  I can't even say whether she is following dress code or not. Why does this bother me? My issue is because some young man decided to take it upon himself to make a young woman feel bad about herself. She obviously put effort into her outfit and this young man felt it necessary to question not only her ability to honor her commitments, but also her modesty and morality. To top it off, he did so in the name of his religion. Regardless of what the woman was wearing, that doesn't fly with me.

I am one of those life long members of the LDS Church. Born and raised, I have even spent quite a few years here in the Happy Valley of Provo, Utah. No where in my religion does it say that I am supposed to guilt others into making right choices. No where does it say that I should approach a stranger and make them feel bad about themselves. I mean really. What part of the teachings of our Savior did this guy read. Everywhere in our gospel it tells us that we should love those around us and treat them kindly.

We are also taught that the trial here on earth is one based on freedom of choice. As a matter of fact, the entire gospel planned is based on that. We chose to follow the Savior because we rejected Lucifer's plan to force us all to obey. Therefore not only are we free to make our own choices but we have to respect the choices of others. Each individual gets to make his or her own choices and either suffer the consequences or enjoy the benefits of that choice.

Therefore, in my eyes this young man broke both of those rules. He decided that it was his responsibility to make this young woman feel bad about herself and her choices by implying that she was rejecting the teachings she had been taught. Then he takes it one step further and questions her honor and ethics. Because he assumed that she was breaking the honor code.

I looked into what is to be done if there is an honor code violation, there is an entire office at the university that takes complaints about such things. If he had an issue, why didn't he send it to them. If there was a problem with her outfit, wouldn't it be the responsibility of a faculty member or an employee of the university to discuss it with this young lady? It is not the responsibility of some guy who doesn't know her from Eve.

Now, taking this one step farther, I have personal experience with this type of young man. I attend a neighboring university here in Provo. Though Utah Valley University is in the same area, as a state school it does not have an honor code. Therefore, there is no dress code (though I think you have to be dressed.) and there are no grooming standards. I have had a green streak in my hair for the past several months. Tonight I change it to purple. This is not a problem at my university.

A few weeks ago, I was invited to the BYU campus to attend a lecture thingy for students who wish to get their Masters in Library Science. Neither BYU nor UVU offers this program, but there were outlining the different ways in which we could find the program. I thought, it wouldn't be a big deal, I was only going to be on BYU campus for a couple of hours.  As I sat in on the lecture, the young man behind me leaned forward to tell me that we are only to have "natural colors" in our hair. I responded that 1) I wasn't a student at BYU and therefore I didn't have to abide by that rule and 2) Why would he think it was his responsibility to reproach me. He was neither my father, nor my ecclesiastical leader. (Okay I really should have said that second part but I didn't think of it till later).

I don't understand why we live in a society in which strangers take it upon themselves to correct others. Why would they think a stranger would value their opinion? Why would they assume that they know what is best for the other person. A person THEY HAVE NEVER MET! It saddens me to see that this exists in our culture. I know it isn't a large part of the Mormon culture, but it can be found and that upsets me.



Whew... that was kinda long.

Two weeks and nothing....

Two weeks have gone by since my last post but I don't have any thing significant to write. School days come and go.... there are assignments and lectures, films to watch and papers to edit. Life is just rolling along. Other than the slight (or not so slight) anxiety that I am experiencing as deadlines begin to loom.... I think I am okay.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

Well there might be moments that I am not actually okay, but I get through those in the same way. So here's to meeting deadlines.

*cheers*

Toot your own horn?

I am not a genius. This is not a shock to anyone who knows me. As much as I adore Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory or Zach Addy from Bones, there is very little possibility that I could match them in the intelligence arena. Not that I want to try... that is not what this post is about. This is also not an attempt to call myself stupid in any manner. For.....

I am not stupid. I might not be a 4.0 student but I get more A’s than B’s and that is good enough for me.... and apparently for the schools which I am applying to. :) I would also term myself as street smart. I might not be able to recite all of the battles in the civil war or all of the vice presidents and their terms, but I am able to understand and discuss the importance of historical events on current society. I can read and analyze a text, be it literature or historical, for the same reasons. In my world I like to study those things that have had an impact on a society, i don’t have to commit them to memory as long as I have the text and my subsequent notes available to review. 

There are many more things that I am not.... but I have veered from the path that this blog was supposed to take. One would think with my talents and experience writing a statement of purpose, or personal statement wouldn’t be difficult. (And yes, those are 2 different things) Yet here I sit, for day 2, trying to come up with something that makes me sound neither pompous nor moronic. I have the same problem typing up a CV or a Resume (again 2 different things). This idea that boasting about yourself or selling yourself is slightly repugnant to me. It is a part of me that I feel would fit more comfortably in the society that surrounded the Founding Fathers of the United States. Back in late eighteenth and early nineteenth century America, a man or woman’s good name should precede them. One wouldn’t have to talk about their good deeds because others would have already passed the information on. It was considered indelicate to campaign for a position or talk about yourself in that way. The humility that is preached in my religion also seems at odds with this need to boast to get a job or into a grad program. 

This is not to say that I never talk about myself....I often get really excited about things and I will call a friend who will think it  is cool or they might not and they suffer through my gushing....or well.... this blog is proof..... I have done plenty of boasting. But most of that is piddly stuff. I got excited when I got asked to help with the candidates that are coming to campus for interviews (I organized the students) or when I was invited to a recruiting dinner to talk to prospective students. But that is not stuff that you put on a resume or in a personal statement. Those are just perks for being so annoyingly persistent in my position as Editor-in-Chief of the History journal. I am now a face that is known around the department.  

So what do I say? 

and

how do I say it? 

Those are the big questions. 

Well at least the big questions for now.

Cookies... A Worthy Substitute.

        I added a streak to my hair last fall. For the first time in my life I didn't have a job that said I couldn't and I have always wanted to. So why not? I started with a green streak that looked awesome.  This semester I decided to change it up. Tonight was the night to make that change! But the appointment had to reschedule. Therefore, I am stuck doing homework... Cultural Astronomy. UGH! 


      Since I was stuck here I wanted a dessert. But I was craving something really really good. I wanted Gourmandise.  The greatest European bakery in Salt Lake. Their desserts are to die for! But they are all the way in SLC and that is not an option for tonight. 


      So, what does that leave me? Raw cookie dough, the safe kind (i.e. no eggs). While it isn't Gourmandise, it isn't bad for a small treat on a night at home. I am adding the recipe here so I can find it when I need it again. I have a habit of eating chocolate chip cookie dough with out the chocolate chips. I got the recipe from Food.com and it can be found here.

                    Ingredients 

• 1/4 c. Butter (room temperature)
• 1/4 c. Brown Sugar
• 1/4 c. Granulated Sugar
• 1/8 c. Milk (or just a touch more, depending on the texture you want)
• 1/2 tsp. Vanilla Extract
• 3/4 c. Flour
• 1/8 tsp. Salt
• 1/2 c. Chocolate chips (though I don't add these)

                    Directions

1. Cream Butter and Sugars together
2. Blend in Milk and Vanilla
3. Add Flour and Salt and mix well
4. Stir in Chocolate Chips

1. 
   

Stolen Moments....

Life is full of moments. Happy moments, sad moments, and especially busy moments. Those who jump on the Carpe Diem train tell us that we should always be looking to live every moment to it's fullest potential. Yet, some of my favorite moments are not the ones where I have stepped out into the unknown and started an adventure. My favorite moments are those simple times of joy that you share with those that are important to you.

Last Friday Meg, Sarah and I had our annual Christmas lunch. Sarah and Meg have been friends since Jr. High. Meg and I met junior year of high school. And Sarah and I became friends her sophomore year of college. Add it all up and we have known each other for a very long time. Therefore, while yes we know that it was half way through January, to us it didn't really matter. Between, work, school, children, and our own family holiday stuff, Friday was the first time we could all get together. This year Los Hermanos was a little hard to get to so we settled on the other traditional restaurant. JCW's in Lehi. With Burgers, Charlie fries, and delicious shakes we celebrated yet another year of friendship.... Plus who else would know to get me a bag that says "I like Big Books and I cannot lie."  We had our hour and then the 3 of us went our separate ways; back to work, school, and children. As I drove away I filed the time in my memory as a stolen moment. Nothing but laughter and chatter among friends. Friends who have been around long enough to understand me and my choices.

Today I got to have another one of those stolen moments. Tuesday mornings have become breakfast day. My sister Tallie has to drop her oldest off at preschool, my brother Ian is at work (He is the GM for a fast food restaurant) and I have some time before class starts. The only other addition is Tallie's little one, Ezzie. So we snag breakfast and Ian takes a break and we just chat. About family, about life, about whatever tickles our fancy. Ezzie steals our tater tots and our drinks. Ian runs behind the counter when someone needs a hand. I take a picture or two with my phone. But mostly it is just a chance to talk and laugh and be there for one another.

Life might be a about seizing the opportunity, but I hope to collect as many stolen moments as possible.

And then I remembered....

One would think that the title of this post would connect to the last post but it only does in the most peripheral way. As I wrote on Saturday, there is so much that I want to see and do. Nothing is impossible for me. The places I want to visit, the things I want to learn... all of that are with in my grasp. Then Sunday comes and I am reminded....

For those that don't know I am LDS (Mormon, Latter-day Saint, how every you want to phrase it.) I teach the Sunbeams in primary. What does this mean in non-LDS vernacular? During the second and third hour of church on Sunday I teach six 3 to 4 year-olds about our beliefs. There is singing, lessons, snacks... it is a lot of fun and kids at that age are really cute, if trying.  I have been in this calling (or post) for about 7 months or so now and we just got our new class so they are all 3 years old. It is sometimes odd for me, a woman who professes to not want babies of her own. The youngest, Sam, just turned 3 in December so he is really such a baby still.

Church begins at 11 and so we have the children from 12:15 to 2 pm: Prime lunch and nap time for our little ones. Yesterday Sam turned to me and told me he wanted his mommy. He was tired and wanted to be in his bed. In an effort to start to train him to stay for all of church, I stood at the back of the room with him while singing time went on. I had forgotten how sweet it was to hold such a precious child and rock them until they fall asleep. That trust is amazing. After about 15 minutes, Sam was awake and we were on our way to class.

So what does this mean? Why am I writing about this? Here we are two days later and it still had an effect on me. I truly don't believe small children are in my future. Not only because having babies is not something I want to do, but also because I believe my talents can be better served in other arenas. If I ever do marry (or just settle myself long enough to have a stable home and a stable job) I want to work in the foster care system an then move into adoption. But as much as I love little children, I want to work with the older kids. Kids that are around 8 -17 (I think they leave the system at 18 right?). So many kids are struggling in our over burdened system and I want to help them.

While my goals are sound and I believe worthy, some days the truth hits like a body blow. There will probably never be a little child of my own that I rock to sleep like I did Sam on Sunday afternoon.  I don't know if the sadness that comes from such thoughts is a natural instinct or something ingrained that I have learned due to my upbringing. Either way, some days it makes me sad.

But not to worry, one of these days I will meet my goals and have the chance to help troubled kids just as  I have wanted to for years.

I had a thought.....

I spent the evening with Amy watching my favorite Disney movie on the big screen: Beauty and the Beast. While driving home late last night I had a thought for a blog post. Sadly, 12 hours later I can't remember what that thought was. So I shall talk about something else.

 Beauty and the Beast was originally released in November of 1991. This was also the time that my world was turned on it's end. Within months my parents were divorced, I had moved twice, my mother had remarried, my father was in a war zone with bombs exploding over his civilian head, and I had 5 new siblings. Is there any wonder that an 11 year old girl would find solace in the stories of Anne and Emily (L.M. Montgomery books) and Belle and her beastly prince?

As time passed my delight in these characters never waned. My entire family knew of my love for my two favorite heroines: Anne and Belle. One an orphan who desperately needed to prove herself to the world in order to make her adopted family proud of her and the other willing to sacrifice everything for her family. Both girls were rewarded for their efforts. More than just getting the guy, these heroines facilitate their own happiness even as they feel out of step with the world around them. It was easy for a shy young girl who loved to read to feel a kinship to Belle. Belle was stuck in what she termed a provincial life. Though provincial in the sense that it was not an urban metropolis, the reality was that Belle didn't fit into the society which surrounded her. A girl with a mind of her own, Belle wanted more.

Even now, when I am neither young nor shy (well as shy as I was) the words of the songs from Beauty and the Beast resonate with me. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."  I have had the opportunity to travel and visit many places in this great country and yet I want more. More than adventure I what the chance to learn and explore. As Katherine Brook in Anne of Avonlea says: "I've always wanted to travel and see that place. To see the Taj Mahal, the pillars of Karnak. I want to know, not just believe, that the world is round." I might not want the pillars of Karnak or the Taj Mahal but there are so many places that I want to see. So many things that I want to learn. And if I have learned nothing else in my 32 years here on this earth it is that, if it can be achieved through hard work and diligence, I can achieve it. After all, I'm graduating this semester aren't I?

Another week done....

Well, I have made it through another week. Cultural Astronomy hasn't killed me, I survived math, I didn't get any readying done (which frustrates not only me but Amy as well...she is still waiting so we can discuss Blood Rose) but the journal is well on it's way to well... to more editing. Lol!

Sadly the Cherry coke I had when I went to see We Bought A Zoo has me awake... with no helpful or insightful thoughts to share. Maybe I will try to sleep. Wish me luck... and a better post next week.

Retreats and the flu....

So there goes my resolution to write more often. Lol! Last week I had a 3 day retreat into the Capitol Reef National Park.
The university has a field station there and our staff was invited to join the staff of the English student journals for their bi-annual editing retreat. Pam, Rachel and I were able to set a schedule for the rest of our publishing. I also had a chance to learn a lot about a program that is new to me but that we will be using for our publishing.
Doesn't Rachel look so happy to be there. Lol!

Even though it was January we got some interesting hiking in. The first day we stopped at some place called the goose neck... I think. Then the second day we got to go out for a couple of hours into the park.  I even got a few cool pictures....

It was nice to be out in nature and I had a lot of fun.... there was even a 6 hour marathon Gin Rummy game.
Jane our station manager also taught us a lot about minimal impact on the surrounding desert and conservation. The station is completely solar powered and it was cool to learn about how we impact our surroundings. Not to say that I am a fan of cold showers...*shiver*.... but I can see why we need to work on ways of preserving not only our history but the world that our history

 was created and preserved in. The petroglyphs that were written on the rocks out in the national park tell us about the societies that have passed through there. Fascinating....
After a great trip to the wild outdoors.... I either came down with a flu or got food poisoning. *sigh*

So now it is Sunday night, and I have been in bed for three days. School starts tomorrow, and I have a job interview (YAY!) and we have to get back on track with our editors. It is my last semester and I am looking forward to being busy.... and maybe a little nervous.