My thoughts are all jumbled as I sit and try to plan for my immediate future. I am excited yet terrified, eager yet nervous, and ambitious yet homesick. Everything is new here, the culture, language, food, and even the temperature. It is amazingly beautiful here. The trees are massive, and everything is so green. Even with all of that, I feel out of place. I feel a little adrift, floating in this sea of southern strangeness. But the hardest part is reconciling to the fact that the only way to acclimate is one day at a time. The last three years in Utah flew by, and I know three years from now I will look back and feel the same. Yet, sitting here tonight it feels as if that time is forever away. I worry about meeting new people. What if I become a hermit? I worry about my new program. At UVU, I had an idea of what to expect. Here I am completely clueless. I am terrified that I won't be able to keep up with the work. Everyone keeps telling me how hard it will be, which scares me even more. I am not stupid but that doesn't mean I won't struggle in my program. What if I don't like it? I have been working towards this goal for 4 years. What happens if it isn't what I thought it would be? Or what if I am not a good enough student to keep up with the dual masters program? Am I being over confident thinking I can work with both an academic and a professional program at the same time?
Last time I moved like this (all by myself with no connections to the city) I met Boo, Steph, and Gwen within weeks of arriving in the city. 8 months later (7 years ago this weekend), I moved in with a group of girls and met Kate. I got really lucky. I am not sure I can repeat such luck. I am not even sure how it happened the first time.
Well, whatever happens, the journey starts here. Tonight. One step at a time. One day at a time. My books and clothes are unpacked. My bathroom is organized. I will work on my kitchen and bedroom tomorrow and Monday. For now, I am headed to bed.