GRADUATION!! (Grad School)

Thursday, April 28

Another one bites the dust

Saturday night has come and for the first time in weeks I am not stressing about readings or papers for class on Monday. All of my papers have been turned in and the semesters books and papers have been collected to be stored. For what? HWo knows but I feel better if they go in a box for now. Lol! I can even see my desk... dusty as it might be, I can actually see it again.

Today I slept till noon, went to dinner with my friend Sarah, watched an old 80's movie (Protocol - score one for Goldie Hawn) and read a book (Anna and the French Kiss is a very cute YA chicklit novel)

But now darkness has fallen and the quiet has descended. And what do I do with myself? I guess I can read another book. Or do some more cleaning (the bathroom is screaming at me!). But I don't really want to. I guess I could go and bug Mama and Papa Thorne..... but I hate to be a nuisance.

That is the problem with being single at my age..... what do you do? ALL BY YOURSELF! I am one who considers her alone time very precious, but once life slows down I do require interaction. It is one of the reasons I need school. I need something to keep me engaged..... Not to worry classes start on Monday for Math and Bio starts the following week.

I think I am gonna add another class just for fun..... help me out and vote:


I can't decide.

Thursday, April 21


The semester is finally coming to a close. I finally finished my last official class and now am only left with papers to write. Granted there are 6 of them, but that is doable. 4 of them are 3 pages or less. 1 needs to be 5 pages and the last one is a research project i have been working on all semester and will have to be 8-10 pages.

Am I writing? No. I am tired. I turned in 3 papers on Wednesday and so am taking a short break. As I know it will take me about 5 hours to write this paper (I have tracked the whole semester and have found it takes me about 2 hours to write 2 pages ... pages that I would deem acceptable to turn in.) Therefore, I have another 40 minutes to let topics about the philosophy of History, Kant, and Hegel float around in my brain before I have to start writing.

What to do....what to do..... Maybe I will check in with Hulu or Netflix or maybe I will take a nap.

Sunday, April 10

A weekend in thought...

So when you don't feel good and you can't do anything but stay in bed... or on the couch... or in the tub... you end up thinking a lot. This weekend was no different.

One of the running themes of my thoughts has been the changes that I have undergone in the last decade or so which prompted the asking of a what-if scenario. If only I hadn't done such and such would I now be living the life of a normal Mormon woman. Specifically, if I hadn't been in a specific relationship at 19, would my life have taken a different course entirely. One can rarely recognize changes when they are experienced. It is only looking back with 20/20 hindsight that the change become obvious.

As I discussed my what-if scenario with a couple of people, and thought about it on my own for even longer (what else are you supposed to do in the bath waiting for the pills to take effect), I finally recognized the changes that have been made over time. While the choices I have made have placed me on my current path, that doesn't mean that different choices would have me in a different or more "normal" place. At 19, I was searching for something that I had no way of understanding. And while the relationship I had was probably one of the most unhealthy that I hope to ever be in, I was no where near capable of handling a relationship that was actually healthy at that time. So therefore, had I chosen a different relationship, the probability of it being a healthy one was really low.

As a matter of fact, choosing a different, more "normal," relationship could actually have been more detrimental than the one that was chosen. At 19, young women of the LDS Church, are looking for marriage and eternal families. Had I been in a relationship that had headed in that direction I probably would have followed through with those goals. If my hypothesis is correct and I was unable to handle a healthy relationship at that age, I would therefore have placed myself in a very unhealthy marriage. I shudder to think where that path might have led me.

This is not to say that young women of 19 are incapable of healthy relationships that lead to marriage. Nor does this absolve me of the actions that I took at the age of 19. I take full responsibility those actions and the painful consequences.

So what does this mean?

Nothing to anyone but me. Looking back over the last decade, I can see the progression of my relationships and the changes that have occurred slowly over that time. While I might not be quite ready for, what I would term, a completely healthy relationship, I now know who I am and what I truly believe. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but for me.... It is a HUGE step.

P.S. Another good note..... I got an email from the Columbia University about enrollment. I know it was probably a mass emailing to students of the Phi Theta Kappa. But good night nurse, I got an email inviting me to apply to Columbia. I feel special!

A Day In Bed.....

So today was the day of my monthly sickness. It started yesterday afternoon and mom kindly offered her big jacuzzi tub. I finally feel better, but I have done nothing all day. Kinda nice...but I really can't afford the down time. Oh well.

Also, my phone has been dead since yesterday as well. So if you have tried to call, I am sorry. I will go home tomorrow and charge it up.