Dreams....

It is amazing what floats to the surface in your dreams. In this morning's I find I am just as melodramatic as I was in the teenage years they portray.

The dream is already fading but I remember that I was a teenager again, all loud mouthed and big feet. But in this dream I was attending some sort of private school for girls. There were uniforms and some sort of military precision. The dream covered a couple of days and each time I was corrected in someway by my peers. My uniform was not right. I didn't have the right shirt on. My sleeves were too short. I was the flag bearer, and during a moment of shock the flag did not stand up straight. Okay.. I was actually at the front of a crowd and the pole dipped backwards to hit the people behind me with the flag. (Snort) Another incident was when I asked to look at an old metro map of DC that one of the girls had. I noticed that the green line was missing and the red, orange, and blue lines were incomplete. When a girl told me that the colors referred to walls around the city, I corrected her and explained the metro system. Only to be told that I was not to be rude... even if I was right. The final moment had the girls  lining up to go inside the school. I was the last in line and once again holding the pole with the flag on it. The girl in front of me turned around to ask me not to stand next to her. I responded that there was no where else to stand. But unfortunately she didn't care as long as I didn't stand next to her. So with no where else to go I trudged down the front walk to stand by myself. Of course this placed me out of line and therefore the teacher (or headmistress or what ever she was) came over to ask why I was not in the line. To which the drama queen I am replied...."I was asked to move away from the others" and then I woke up.

Can we say drama queen even in my dreams. Yet while the dream was nothing like my real school experiences the fears that it portrayed were quite real... and to some extent still are. Everyone wants to fit in somewhere. The need for acceptance, even if it is not mainstream acceptance, never fades. As a teenager I was blessed with a best friend who flitted with me from group to group. This allowed me to be as social as I wanted to be while providing a cover for when I had no desire to be social. As an adult I have found friends who do the same.... There was many a party provided by Steph that required my presence but not my attention. I had to attend but I was not required to socialize and could bring any book I wanted. For parties are just like high school... trying to find a place to fit in the crowd that has been assembled.

So why do I write about this... life is about finding your place in it. Whatever you do, you must be comfortable in who you are and what you do. While I am still working to achieve my "what I do" goals, I was able to accept who I am years ago.  I am very grateful that I am blessed with friends who understand me and accept me for who I am.

It's a whipped cream day....

Spring, summer, and fall seem to be able to make e forget how much I love the snow. But tonight as we had the first real snow storm of the year, I was reminded how beautiful the snow is. The drive home from the movie theater was a little nerve-wracking as we couldn't make out the lines on the road. But once inside I made a cup of hot cocoa and watched the snow fall outside our big picture window for hours. The lawn is covered and the bare leaf-less branches on all of the neighborhood trees are coated with a fluffy white layer. I'm going back to enjoy the pretty outside my window... you enjoy a touch of Dean and Frankie. :)
 

Lost and found

So the highlight of my week has been getting my car stolen. Cuz that is what I needed, right?

Yesterday morning I woke up to my car missing from the driveway. Today I was woken up by a very nice police officer who drove me 2 blocks over to where the car was dumped after they ransacked it.

There were quite a few moments of panic as I realized that there were things of value that I kept in my car that are irreplaceable. Things like: the Savings bonds that my grandfather gave us each year for Christmas, the scarf that my old boss Kristin gave me in DC, and the handmade hair clip I got at a renaissance fair in Virginia with my friends Heather and Richard.  All of those things are now home safe and sound.

There were things taken.... my iPod, our garage door opener, and my gym bag (not the items inside but the bag itself). But all of those things are replaceable. None of them have sentimental value.

So thanks to the very nice officers that found my car..... because without them, I would be carless and missing some very important memories. Plus... you know all of the other things they do every day that I am very grateful not to have to worry about as I write this at 6:30 in the morning.

Has my world come to an end?

I know I am not any where near genius level. I wouldn't even say I am brilliant. I do know I am not dumb. Yet here I sit, staring at this sad piece of paper with my GRE scores on it and trying to understand how this is possible. My prelim scores said I should have done better but reality is a kick in the pants.

According to the new GRE grading scale I suck. Okay not really, but I am no more than average and I don't know if average will get me into my college. I mean I am not trying to get into an Ivy league grad program or anything but still.....

So what are the scores?
  Verbal/Quantitative/Writing  =   164/149/4.0

What does this mean? The scores range between 130 and 170 for the verbal and the quantitative (translate: english and math). The range for the writing (translate essay) is 0-6.  I also went online to translate these scores into the old GRE grading scale. the cumulative score for my verbal/quantitative would have been 1290. (v:670/q:620)

As for the percentages: Yes, I am in the 94th percentile for the verbal. But I am in the 49th and 48th percentile for the math and essay respectively.

So while these scores aren't horrific ..... they aren't great either. I didn't expect any higher on the math in all reality, but a 670 in verbal? and a 4 on the essay! How could I have done so poorly!!

What does this mean for grad school? I don't know. Can this be offset by my 2 honor societies and my 3.6 GPA?  I don't know. And I really just want to cry. So I think I am going to do that now. Maybe chocolate is in order.