Today I am going to whine....(do I ever do anything else here?)

My heart hurts.

I have been through 4 quasi relationships in the last 9 months. Not until now has my heart hurt. I got the lets just be friends last night. I have given this speech. I have even recieved this speech in the past. But never have I let it affect me like this. There were actual tears involved last night. Only after I had finished talking to N and was alone. And really why, N and I were never more then casual in our relationship and had never discussed taking it further. He and I even talked a couple of weeks ago about how I do not want anything like a relationship in my life right now. He said he was willing to wait until I knew what I wanted. Apparently my knowledge of what I wanted came a little to late. I am no longer wanted.......
So tonight I will go to a hockey game and watch guys throw each other around. Tomorrow and Sunday I will take care of Church business and go to parties, pretending I am happy.