The meloncholy seems to be dragging on. I am doing well really but between having to see boys that just want to be friends and little brothers beg for me to move back home life has become sad.
I never know how to handle my younger brothers. For all intents and purposes I have raised Lukas since he was born. He was born the month I graduated high school and mom was not well. Shortly there after my mothers mother died and things went down hill rather quickly. Between the time Lukas was born and last August; there was probably a total of 10 months that I was not with him on a daily basis. So now I struggle with the role that I have in his life. I try to treat him as a younger brother but I was his mother for so long that the move cross country has been difficult. Every weekend I call and talk to him and struggle when he asks if I am coming home. Last night he asked if I could quit my job and find one in Utah allowing me to live there with him. He is upset that I am not coming for Christmas. My mother has decided that she doesn't want him to come and visit me so that is not an option either. I am out of ideas here. I know that this is not my problem and that I should let it go but I worry. When don' t I worry.

grrr.....