If Only.....

It is 10 o’clock at night, it is Wednesday. I should be at B & N counting down the last hour of my shift. But I am not. I am home. I am tired and will probably go to bed soon. But I must be honest. I kind of want to be at B & N. Alright, I take it back. I really want to be at B & N.

Now I recognize that I can’t handle the shifts. And I really don’t miss only getting 4 hours of sleep at night multiple nights in a row. Nor do I miss having to work during parties and other fun things, or stressing about missing my bus at 11:30 at night.

With all of that in my mind…..Why do I wish that I hadn’t quit?

It starts again.....

There are reasons that I don’t like going to the doctor. Every time I go I end up having to go see more doctors…have tests done…and spend a lot of time and effort just so some one can tell me that they have no idea what is wrong with me.

It started again today. The first round of blood tests has been started. I get to go to the hospital on Friday afternoon for a couple of tests. (Steph I will try to make dinner but I think I will be late. I am not sure how long these will take this time.)

As a side note: I am finally giving up the Barnes and Noble Job. I can’t do it. I’m tired all of the time and I want to have a life. Here’s hoping that this helps. Lol!

Disappointment…..

Well Ralphie was able to catch an earlier flight home. I understand the reasoning. He was done with everything. He has a wife and baby in Utah and who wants to stay an extra 24 hours when you have that waiting for you at home.

T, decided to take an evening in. Which is good for her; we are all a little stressed.

But still…….THIS……would have been fun, with just the three of us.

*sigh* Oh well maybe another time.

Santa Claus is coming to town.....

Or it could be my “favoritest brother named Ralph.” (cuz I have so many brothers named Ralph…)

I am so excited. He is coming into Baltimore for a few days and has allowed for an evening of dinner and fun with his 2 east coast sisters. Tiana is going to drive up from BV and we are all meeting up at Union Station.

Any suggestions for dinner in the district….something authentic and wild?

The Universe tells me that......

Letting the opinions of others dampen your enthusiasm, restrain your joy, and stifle your creativity, Rachel, is often exactly what they were after.

Pity for them, huh?

Let's rock -
The Universe

Past the point of no return.....

No second chances.....daaa de da de daaaa de da....This song from 'Phantom' is running through my head for various reasons. I know it will go away if I just listen to it. Sadly, I do not have the soundtrack to this musical...so the same line will just continue to repeat in my head.

In all honesty, I think I am "past the point of no return" I need sleep. :(

Confirmed Yet Again

As if the whole world didn't already know I was a pushover. Lol! Defender of the underdog, shy to a fault......Gonna have to work on that...Ha Ha Ha

Matt Parkman You scored 62 Idealism, 37 Nonconformity, 25 Nerdiness

I don't want to be a chump. Congratulations, you're Matt Parkman! You're a great person: caring, hard-working, and honest. You might not have the best of luck, but you do your best in all areas of life. Your kind and responsible nature is rare, and you should be proud of it. Your best quality: Heart Your worst quality: You may take more abuse than you deserve

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Idealism You scored higher than 99% on Nonconformity You scored higher than 99% on Nerdiness

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Words of the days.......

I don’t know if I mentioned this already but my desk calendar for this year is a “Word-A-Day” calendar. I love desk calendars that teach me something. I know I am sick. Sorry. But what I really love is the fact that on the back of each page I get to learn more about the roots of the day’s word. Some words I have known, like disingenuous, or imbue, others are new to me, and still others are words that I thought I new but can have different meanings. Unfortunately, I have been ignoring my calendar since the 12th….I have been rather busy (or lazy depending on how you look at it) here at the office.  So here are a few of the words that I caught up on today. Maybe you guys recognize these words(yes that means you Perry and you too Professor).

February 12th:
Comity (kŏm'ĭ-tē) n: Friendly civility
:courtesy

February 14th:
Twee (twē) adj. Chiefly British: Affectedly or excessively dainty, delicate, cute, or
quaint.
Apparently this word comes from baby talk, an alteration of the word sweet. In the early 1900’s it was a term of affection, now it just means that you have bypassed sweet and are in the realm of disgusting.

February 17th:
Catawampus (kat-uh-wom-puh s) adj.: Askew, awry, catercorner.

Interesting to note (according to the calendar):
Back in the Middle Ages, the French word for “four” could be spelled quatre or catre. Speaker of Middle English preferred the form cater, and they used the word mainly to refer to the four spots on one side of the die. Someone noticed that you can connect these four spots to make and “X,” a fact that might have helped cater to develop the extended sense of “diagonally.” Over time, that sense was built into dialect compounds meaning “diagonal” or “askew,” including “catercorner,” a word linguists think was later modified to create “catawampus.”

So while all that was interesting….can some one please tell me how that made sense? And how in heavens name was catercorner turned into catawampus?

And Lastly:
February 19th:
Bromide (brō'mīd') n. 1: A compound of bromine and another element or chemical group.
2a: A commonplace or tiresome person
*2b: A commonplace or hackneyed statement or notion

Apparently, in the mid 1800’s potassium bromide was added to medicine to induce sleep. By the 20th century “bromide” was being used to describe anything that might put you to sleep. We have since advanced medically but apparently not figuratively. So there you go…another word for those talks in Church!

Off to Clean.....

A day off….It was nice to sleep until the sun woke me this morning. Did you ever see the musical Oliver, when Oliver wakes that first morning in the house of the rich people. He wakes to the sun and the sounds of the world outside his widow. I have always loved that. I love to wake to the sounds of the outside world......today was a little cold to have my widow open so I just woke to the sun. Good enough for now. The problem is that here it is 11:30 in the morning and I am bored. There are things I should do. I should finish unpacking. I should clean my room as it looks like a disaster. I should do laundry. These are things that I have avoided doing because I have been working or sleeping so much lately. But now that I have the time…….Well who wants to spend their day off cleaning? Now that I have complained, I will buckle down. I tell myself that I will have everything done in time to go to the movie tonight. Here’s hoping!

Beauty and the Geek

Regina was kind enough to wait to watch Ugly Betty so that I could finally watch the season finale of Beauty and the Geek last night. Wahoo!! Regina is now in love with Nate. And me, how do I feel about it? Well in the immortal words of Steph Harbour….
“I love me some Geek!”

Happy just the way I am....

It’s not as if I didn’t recognize that it was Valentine’s Day. I even posted the poem yesterday morning. But it didn’t feel any different than any other day. I received a couple of nice e-cards from the girls and Mark. AZ Dad even sent a text message (which he hates to do). So I wasn’t forgotten, I just didn’t do anything big for the day. Last year I made a big fuss. I handed out valentines to all of my co-workers and friends and spent the evening at a fabulous restaurant with all of my friends. This year, it didn’t really feel like a holiday. It didn’t really feel like anything. I spent the morning working from home. Came into the office for a few hours and then finished the evening at Barnes and Noble. I talked to Steph on the way home (thank you for keeping me occupied on the bus…. I might need you again next time, not sure yet.) There was nothing really special to mark the day. I don’t think that is a bad thing. There was no one in my life really that I needed to go out of my way for. And no one I expected to go out of their way for me. Maybe someday there will be someone that I want to buy little cheesy gift for and from whom I will expect flowers and such. But for now I am happy just the way things are.

And that is a good feeling.

In and Out of time

I am sorry that I haven’t blogged recently; all I can say is that I am tired a lot, and I will be going to the Doctor on the 28th. The cycle is repeating itself. Don’t worry. I will blog what is going on in my life some time soon.

But in the interim I am following Bond Girls Example.

This poem was first introduced to me through a chick flick. Tyler Perry’s “Madea’s Family Reunion” gave me the opportunity to hear Maya Angelou actually recite it. It was beautiful. I found it in a book later and bought the whole book just for this one poem. I can't explain my feelings in regards to this poem. They are there for it all, the good and the bad, the happy and sad. And yet, the love is there. The love is strong enough to with stand the trials of our day. Who finds that any more?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Have a wonderful Valentine’s Days.

The Sun has come out
The Mists have gone
We see in the distance
Our long way home

I was yours to love
You were always mine
We have belonged together
In and out of time

When the first stone looked
Up at the blazing sun
And the first tree struggled
From the forest floor
I loved you more

You were the rhythm on the head
Of the conga drum
And the brush of palm
On my nut brown skin

And I loved you then

We worked the cane
And cotton fields
We trod together
The city streets

Wearied by labor
Bruised by cruelty
Strutting and sassy
To our inner beat

And all the while
Lord, how I loved your smile

You’ve freed your braids
Gave you hair to the breeze
It hummed like a hive
Of busy bees
I reached into the mass
For the honeycomb there
God, how I loved your hair

You saw me bludgeoned
By circumstance
Injured by hate
And lost to chance
Legs that could be broken
But knees that would not bend
Oh, you loved me then

I raked the Heaven’s belly
With torrid screams
I fought to turn
Nightmares into dreams
My protests were loud
And brash and bold
My, how you loved my soul

The sun has come out
The mists have gone
We see in the distance
Our long way home

I was yours to love
And you were always mine
We have belonged together
In and out of time

Dead or Alive - Brand New Lover

Thanks Chag.....
My latest theme song...

Sorry....

I am too tired to write. :s

P.S.
My books are finally unpacked...
3 sets of shelves in the main room and a set in my bedroom....
It is like being back with old friends....
It is.............
Comforting.

FYI

Just so you know.........

I am finally finished listening to the Wicked soundtrack on repeat.

It only lasted 3 days.

I think my co-workers are grateful! :)

I know you were curious. ;P