Last night's epiphany.....

Many a time in conversation I say something before thinking it through all the way. Usually what is said is my knee jerk reaction, my first thought to a comment, or a personal epiphany or sorts. Lol! This is one of the many reasons I don’t like to talk when I am around new people, who knows what will come out of my mouth. :P Often this first thought can be altered as new information is brought into the discussion (but that is a topic for an entirely different discussion).

Last night, in the midst of one such conversation with my friend Angelee, I said something that has stuck with me. You would think that something that I said, would not strike me as profound. You would think that I would know these things before I say them. The conversation was actually about my younger brother in the mission field. I commented on the emails that are forwarded to our family members. I have spent the last year and a half reading his emails and watching his growth. I have also watched one side of his relationship with his waiting girlfriend. He is allowed such a short time on the internet each week that he sends one email to my parents that includes the responses to everyone, including his girlfriend. Reading these emails is kind of like listening to one side of a phone conversation. While I feel slightly voyeuristic I have been impressed with the communications that have been sent. So how did this cause an ‘AHA’ moment, you ask? Sorry Steph, but it isn’t that I have realized that I have voyeuristic tendencies. Lol! My epiphany for yesterday was that one of the reasons I have such a high relationship expectations is because I have been watching the relationships of my siblings for years. I am constantly amazed by my siblings, by the good and the bad.

As a 28 yr old single woman in the Mormon Church, I have had a lot of time to think about relationships. What woman in my circumstances hasn’t? I freely admit that relationships scare me; truly, they terrify me. Yes, I also recognize that this is not a logical response. Lol! I have had the opportunity to watch those around me and I have seen a lot of the bad things that can come from relationships. Sometimes it seems as if it is all bad. But I have also had the chance to see really great relationships like Mama and Papa Thorne and Mama and Papa Harbour. More importantly I have the examples of men like my brothers Kent, Ralph and Hugh to show me that men in relationships can be good in more then just fiction novels. :)

I know this isn’t profound to any one else, but I think it is important for me to recognize that I have the examples there. Now I just have to find a man like my brothers….Since they are each quite unique I am not sure that is a possibility. Lol!