GRADUATION!! (Grad School)

Saturday, November 12

I am in big trouble. I do not know what to do with my life. I am terrified of messing it up. But isn't everybody?
So here is today's Problem........remember a few weeks back SW and I cooled things off. It would have helped to have told our hormones. Last night was nice. I ended up spending the night at his house. As a matter of fact I sit here at 11:20 in the morning still in HIS pajamas. I didn't have anything else to wear last night. They are pretty comfy, just in case you were wondering. There is just something about wearing a mans clothes. Now I am a Mormon girl so that means there were a few boundary lines that were not crossed but it was a pretty close thing. What am I going to do with him? He has talent in this area. But I figure if I can still think in the middle of it then, I am not doing something right. Or maybe it was when I was actually happy to fall asleep.

There it is, there is the epiphany I was looking for. That is what I want right now. AND here is the reason I write all of this down. It empties my brain so I can figure out want I want. I like kissing and everything else that was done last night. BUT.....what I wanted was to be held and cuddled and coddled. I just wanted to be touched. Get your mind out of the gutter. Though that touching is nice too, last night I just wanted to be held. And I knew the price I had to pay to get it. I wanted someone to curl up and fall asleep with I did what he wanted(and I enjoyed it for the most part) to get what I wanted. It makes it sound do cold and harsh.

Does everyone act this way on some level? There are men I am more interested in then SW but I can't get from them what I can get from him. Am I willing to continue to pay the price? Is the price worth it?
Maybe that is next weeks epiphany.

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