A letter to an older me.....

As I was getting ready to head out this afternoon I got stopped by a country song.....

Who knows what it actually talked about but I was reminded of the letters that I had to write as a teenager. You know the ones they had you write to an older self, filled with your hopes and dreams and fears......

I know of two that I had to keep. 1 I opened a few years ago at the time stated on the envelope. It spoke of my faith and testimony and the knowledge of a life as wife and mother. It spoke of my insecurities with the hope that I had found someone to help me overcome them. Someone that would get me past my fear.

I have no idea what the date is on the second envelope. I wonder if the time has passed for me to open it. Though in reality I fear what is contained with in the pages of that letter. I wonder if I am a disappointment to myself as a child.

Does that make sense? I am speaking as if I am 2 people. The teenager that had a sure knowledge that the future would hold a husband and children by the time I had reached this ripe old age of 29....And the woman who is happy in her single life and is not sure she wants it to change regardless of the fact that I joke about it with my friends.
(but that is not the purpose of this post, maybe I will expound on that at another time)

I decided while listening to this song, any letter I write today would be vastly different from the ones written by the younger me. I would not speak of the future as a given at all. I would not hope for someone to come and "help" me get over my insecurities. I would tell the me who is 45 that I hope she is past the fear of commitment....even if she is not committed to someone. I would hope that she is comfortable in her own skin and has a sense of accomplishment in what ever she does, be it home and family, a career, church, or service within the community. Or all of the above. I hope that she has found solace in the gospel at the times of her life was troubled.
My life has become one that is filled with a love of books and knowledge and learning; I hope that the older me has taken the time to go back to school. Any degree would be nice, but it is not essential, the chance to be in a classroom again would be enough.

Of course I have many hopes and fear but 45 should already know this. She isn't an idiot after all. Hopefully, she won't look back at this writing and think of herself as a completely different person.

Now I am off to the book fair in Harrisburg.....Wahoo for me!