GRADUATION!! (Grad School)

Friday, December 30

Better yourself?

So, I know...twice in one day. It is a lot for me but this is bugging me. Therefore it will spew forth into the virtual world so I may forget it.

I was having an online discussion with one of my brother today's. This specific brother is not even a full year older then me, married, speaks 4 languages fluently, Returned missionary, and working on a degree from the Y in Middle Eastern Studies. He also works full time for on eof his Professors doing various research. His first child is due in May. I really look up to him, he is rather intelligent and one of those people that never says anything with out factual evidence to back it up. He never falls back on emotion, always on logic and facts. Usually we discuss topics that I enjoy, as we did today. But at the end of our conversation he said something that had me pondering. This was not something I could discuss with him. As I earlier posted I want to be accepted by my family therefore do not want to have this brother think any less of me for my thoughts.

Now on to what he said: We were discussing ADD and how this brother stays on task by competing with himself to finish the task. As in a faster time or getting more done. He then said this was eternal life. To motivate oneself by competing against who you were yesterday.
This struck me and I have been stuck ever since.

What if I like who I was yesterday.....I can see that I am not perfect. I am overweight. I do not eat as healthy as I should. I am pushy and anal. I procrastinate. Worst of all, I am extremely judgmental (but it's only in my head for the most part, I try not to say anything out loud) And some of these things need to be fixed. But How to compete? See how many comments I make a day I shouldn't and try to make less everyday? That seems silly. Be kinder to the people I work with, try to put off less every day. Do I want to do that?

If I choose not to is it considered sinning? A sin of commission or omission? I know that we are to constantly supposed to be bettering ourselves, trying to become like Christ. So if we give up, if we enjoy who we are...are we knowingly being bad. You write it out that way, it sure sounds like it. I am not really a horrible person. I am just not perfect. Right now I am pretty happy with me. The demanding, tight clothing wearing, skank my family thinks of me. And that is probably not very good. Lol!

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