GRADUATION!! (Grad School)

Monday, December 26


I did blog yesterday for all of you who were worried. Lol! Twice even. But it is stuck on my laptop so I will have to add it later. It was not happy, know this now. AND it was not a "single life sucks at the holidays"(though that is true). The fight was bad and the damage...well lets just say this will hurt for a while. My sisters do know my weakness and can use them against me when they feel it is needed. It is repairable but the trust will have to be re-built. And that takes a while. You know the old adage, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" or what ever. Let's just say you hit once and I rarely give you a chance for twice. I know that makes me judgmental and all of that but it also makes it hurt a lot less. Well I have an empty schedule for today so I am going to go and......hmmmm maybe take a bath. That sounds nice and requires no interaction with my family. I'll get the other blogs uploaded when I get back on Wed. I hope every one else had a Merry Christmas.

CHRISTMAS BACK TRACK: __________________________________________________________________ Christmas Day

Today started early. For some odd reason my sister and I woke together at about 4 am. It was nice to just sit and talk together. T is struggling this season. This time last year she left her husband for the first time, due to his infidelity. This time this year, after a full year of trying to make things work, they are getting divorced. I know the holidays are hard for me as a single. I know now how much harder they are for her. I have a different view then T, she still loves the jerk and I want to rip him to shreds with my bare hands (whoops temper showing). But this is causing her much turmoil this year, which she takes out on those she knows will love her regardless of her snappishness. Oh wait, that puts me at the top of the list. I don’t know whether to be happy she knows I love her unconditionally or frustrated that I am the one to get snapped at. Oh well family is always a joy. We can do nothing more then support them. (Yes that was sarcasm) Once the kids got up around 7:30 there were presents all around. The ornaments were loved. With only one mishap, Lukas’ piglet got broken. He got Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, being the smallest and all. We are going to see if it can be fixed. The boys got air/bb guns. Mom and T are upset. The boys and I have already taken them for a test run in the yard. I have horrible aim. But it was fun. No more guns on Sunday though. Lol! They also got White shirts and Ties. The color of which match my dress for church. I am excited to go to church now. Lol! Life is……, neither good nor bad. But peaceful for the moment. Uh oh…gotta go to breakfast.

Christmas Night

Amazing how the peace on this earth is always short lived. It lasted thru church and the remarks about my Christmas dress, thru the family dinner and the remarks about the rest of my clothes, even made it thru the gifts and the familial chit chat that follows which of course must center on my singleness for a bit at least once in the conversation. But then as people started leaving things got tense……I got a call from a friend this evening he and I have been friends for a couple of months. I can only presume that he was calling to wish me a merry Christmas. As the teasing started I tried to explain to my family that he is just a friend, so I mentioned that he was engaged and perfectly happy. Proving our relationship is nothing but friendship. This was my mistake. I should have let it go, I can handle the teasing but not what followed. This started the conversation of how I do not know men and that my friendship with this particular man is inappropriate. No; none of my family know him and never will, if I have my say. None of my friends need to face the judgmental firing squad that makes up my family. But I got double teamed (well triple teamed if you count my younger sisters husband). Things were said over and over, each time making things out to be worse and worse until they hit pay dirt. They found my one insecurity. My older sister T compared my contact with my friend to the contact her soon to be ex-husband and his mistress. At that point I walked out, there was no reasoning with them and I realized that. They tried to stop me but at that point I just said “you equated me to your husbands mistress, we’re done.” And I left, no shoes, no coat, no nothing. I went for a walk. After about 20 minutes when I realized my feet were freezing and I was driving myself nuts trying to figure out if they were right and I was wrong I decided to go home get shoes and my phone and continue to walk. I was not ready to talk to anyone. I was still to angry. Unfortunately I was unable to make it back out the door before my older sister caught up with me. I told her I was not ready to talk, that I needed to finish my walk. I refused to listen to her, I didn’t want to fight. She kept telling me I didn’t understand. When I wouldn’t listen she grabbed me by the arms. (Note to the world—never lay your hands on my in anger!!!) I lost it and screamed at the top of my lungs for her to let me go. She proceeded to follow my example and screamed right back at me, I didn’t understand and she could scream as loud as me. Did I want to go at it with her? She was ready. Finally I got around her with a parting shot of I told you to let me go and I left the house yet again. I hate losing my temper. It makes me feel as if she has won. She got what she wanted. I called yet another good friend to talk me back to reality. It was good to listen to reason and find an even keel again. Well Tiana has now come home and this is not something I want to deal with. I am going to bed. Hopefully this will be something I can deal with tomorrow. Good night!

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