GRADUATION!! (Grad School)

Monday, December 19

The Bus terminal.

Traffic is horrendous. One of the reasons I am grateful I do not have a car is that I do not have to drive in horrible Rush hour traffic. Nor do I have to drive in the eve) n worse Holiday traffic mixed with the rush hour. It is crazy today.

So here I sit enjoying the bus station. They have kindly built us an indoor waiting area to get us out of the wind and cold. I am grateful for it, Outside is bitterly cold. People are interesting to watch though and it is fun to enjoy the atmosphere. Luckily there are no really angry people, there are a couple of frustrated and impatient ones. But that is understandable. We are supposed to have caught our buses 30 to 40 minutes ago. Because of traffic I missed my connection and have to wait for the next bus. Here we sit. Most people are finding things to do. Typing on their laptops, dozing in corners, reading books Bus riders have to be prepared for long waits. A few pace as if they have too much energy to sit still. I can hear them getting more and more restless as I type. There are phone calls home and to friends apologizing for each persons tardiness. The “I’m on my way but there is a lot of traffic” call. Some calls are made to tell of the delay and warn others to wait for traffic to clear before leaving work or home.

My bus should be here in a matter of minutes but something tells me there will be a delay. I am supposed to go with my roommates to dinner at 7. I hope I make it on time. It’s not like they will leave without me. Lol! It is our house Christmas Party. We are going to dinner and exchange gifts.

One thought is re-occuring. You would think that they would pu more comfortable seats in a place where they know people will have to wait. Cold, hard, metal seats are never plesant. Not even when we put a good outlook on the situation. You can’t stop your bum from falling asleep in the darn chars.

Here comes my Bus. Amazing that it is on-time. I am the only person in here waiting for the 24T and it is the only bus that is on time. How upsetting for others, especially those that have been here longer then I.

_____________________________________________________________________________________ seems to be a required thing for my brain to function. Unfortunately there were 2 late nights of dancing followed by a sleeplessness that can't be explained. Well it can be I just don't relish the idea of rehashing all of the things that stress me out.

Okay.......maybe just one......I go home on Wed. I am nervous as can be. I am not prepared to face the family tension and remarks. I notice this every time I go home. It is a cycle which I torture myself with. I miss my family and then an occasion comes that I am needed at home for. I get excited. I buy my tickets, a month or two in advance. Plans and schedules are defined, altered, redefined and altered again. Then just before I go home the nerves and the panic set in. The dramas that have unfolded while I was safely 2000 miles away, begin to drag me under. Who is not speaking to whom, Whose self esteem has taken the greatest hits, who has just taken the most hits in general, which relationships can be repaired, and finally which ones can only be bridged for the moment as I am home for a visit. Calls are made and excitement and reassurance are given and received. AND then there is the trip........yes that is the soundtrack to Jaws you hear playing in your head. Lol, maybe it is only in mine.

Currently I am in the stage of calls and reassurance. Friends call to make sure I have places to go when my family gets too much(which will happen). My brothers call to verify when I am coming and that I am really going to make it. Sisters call to make sure I have a ride to and from the airport. Everyone wants to make sure I am coming and that I will have time to be alone with them, be it shopping or dinner or talking. While this feels fabulous for my self esteem already the drain to my own resources is felt.

Sleep becomes difficult as I worry what to say to the kids. Getting the thoughts in my head to diminish to a dull roar is a miracle these days. What am I going to say, what am I going to do, How can I help with this, Am I going to be ABLE to handle the newest development in this case. Throw in the usual, "are you dating any one" and "are you ever going to get married, Rachel" questions with just a dash of guilt, due to the fact that I am not enjoying myself and want to go home, and you now have a picture of my holidays. Who knew it could be this much fun.

Things will probably be great. I am over-reacting due to lack of sleep and nerves. If I keep saying this maybe I will even start to believe it.....


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