Battle....

Have you ever seen the movie Michael? You know the one with John Travolta as Michael the Archangel. Today I had a vision of John Travolta standing in a field preparing to “battle” a bull. I had the urge to do a little “battle” myself. Unfortunately it was me against a machine. A massive copy machine that is roughly the size of about 6 twin bed mattresses stacked on top of one another.

I was given a simple assignment today that turned in to an all out war. I needed to make copies of a document. A 113 page (one-sided) document needed to become a 57 page (double sided) document. Then I needed to make 85 stapled copies of said 57 page document. How difficult can it be? The beast that lives in the mail room should have been able to do it all in one fell swoop. Right? Right!

Well it started off well…copy was changed to double sided and things were progressing. Okay, okay we hit a little snag when it only stapled every other copy but I dealt with that I brought in my own stapler to staple the copies myself. Minor skirmishes along the way but nothing that I could not overcome. The real trouble began after about 50 copies; things started to jam in the machine. No problem. I cleared the jams and started over. I have to give this battle to the machine, it ate only about 4 copies that I had to then shred. I only had just over 35 copies left. I was calm. It has only taken me 2 hours so far. After the final jam….it would not clear. I checked everything. I was only at 60 copies and my patience was wearing a little thin. The mail room was hot, the machine was loud and I was bored, I had to stand by this beast because I could not leave confidential documents unattended. The desire to kick this monster was getting stronger. Finally I shut off the machine and started it again. This seemed to work. I got a whopping 13 copies before the final battle started. All of a sudden it started mixing up my pages. The feeder was all messed up. Pages were getting bent; things were getting out of order. The first time I calmly reordered the pages and started again. The second time I made a copy of each specific page that was bent, one at a time, so that it would not get stuck in the feeder, reorder the pages and started again. But the third time the papers exploded out of the machine. Literally; everything is out of order and a mess. I wanted to lower my head and charge it just like Michael in the movie. But before I lost my temper with an inanimate object I waved the flag of truce. I am ashamed to admit that the machine won. I will finish my last 13 copies on Monday when it is a slightly less temperamental mood. Hopefully the weekend will give it time to cool off and not hate me. J

For all those that are wondering....

.....The isolated thunder showers are not supposed to start again until 10 pm, until then it will be partly cloudy with a high of 85. Soak it up while it lasts.


I have not mentioned the rain on my blog at all. Yes there has been lots of it. Yes I am still safe. I do not mention it because I am in the minority out here. I LOVE IT! This rain, which is causing the flooding of other people's basements, power outages, road closures, cancellation of flights and all of the other turmoil out here has got me excited. I have listened to it beat upon my roof and windows. I have watched the lightening while sitting on my porch. I have gone for walks in the rain, and I have even spent 5 minutes puddle jumping (unfortunately it was all by myself since no one else wanted to play with me, stuffy ol' adults!)

But for today at least the sun is shining and the humidity seems less. I know this makes quite a few of my friends happy. Actually, I am happy also. I like the sunny weather as well. Really I just love all weather. There is something about nature that gets me excited. Thunder storms, Snow, Sunny summer days, Humidity, I love all of it. It’s just another reason why I love living here.

So for today I will enjoy the sun while it lasts. But I will also enjoy the rain that is supposed to return tomorrow. ;)

Quiet

Those that come from large chaotic families might understand the need for solitude. Today was such a day. I was reminded of long ago Saturdays in my parents’ house. Every so often I would want to go where no one could find me. Just to be alone. In a house of 14 people, there was always noise and chaos and something that needed done. But there was a walk-in closet on the second floor; it housed the furnace, the wrapping supplies, some luggage, some bedding, and the clothes of whoever was using the room at the time. I would take a book or two and climb behind the clothes. The excess bedding made quite a comfortable seat and I would travel to what ever world I wanted. As teenager I lingered over the world of Anne of Green Gables, Emily of New Moon, and others. I escaped my chaotic world as I read of romances in England, the horrors of Hitler and the Holocaust, daring Mormon Pioneers, brave soldiers of the Revolutionary and Civil wars, and their even braver mothers and wives they left at home to worry and pray while they fought.

Today, I did nothing important, nothing but read. I read nothing important; nothing to “expand my mind”; just simple tales. Some I have even read before. And yet, I am a little embarrassed to say, it has been one of my favorite days.

My Favorite Moment at the Ball game.....

So there we were watching our beloved Nats get their butts kicked by the Yankees in the 5th Inning..... 9-2 . Sad I know. There was a beautiful Grand Slam by a Yankees player that was just amazing. But I digress..... Anyway back to our poor Nationals...While we were watching, sitting in an area heavily populated by Yankee fans my roommate Kate pointed out what have become my 2 favorite fans.




How Many times have you gone to a game (of any sport) and been undecided which team you like better. Who do you choose to support? How to make such a decision? Why not support Both. That is what this father and son duo did!!
I even had to borrow Gwen's camera because I found it so humorous.

As and FYI..the Nats came back in the 8th and the 9th we won 11-9. WAHOO!!

June 4th....

So life has been a bit busy as of late....so you are getting a Meme I found....here:

1. Go to www.wikipedia.org.

2. In the Search box at the bottom of the screen, type your birth month and day (but not year).

(My birthday is June 4th.)

List 3 events that happened on your birthday.

1. 780 BC - The first historic solar eclipse is recorded in China
2. 1919 - The U.S. Congress approves the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution, which would guarantee suffrage to women, and sends it on for ratification by the states.
3. 1989 - The Tiananmen Square protests are suppressed in Beijing and are covered live on television.

List two important birthdays.

1. 1928 - Dr. Ruth Westheimer, German-American sex therapist and author
2. 1975 - Angelina Jolie, American actress

List one interesting death.

1. 1798 - Giacomo Casanova, Italian lover and writer (b. 1725)

List one holiday or observance (if any).

1. International Innocent Child Abuse Victim Day.

Feel free to TAG yourself :)

The weekend.....

Do you ever wonder why we are so eager for the weekend, when you are just as busy if not more so on the weekend. Last night I went to see the movie Prairie Home Companion. I liked it. Kate and I thought parts of it were very funny. I must admit to being contemplative afterwards, as it is all about endings, I spent some time pondering past endings. But that is not a topic to be written about here or now.

This morning I was up bright and early (after sleeping through my alarm) to attend a Time Out for Women Conference. This is something put on by Seri Dew and Deseret Book. I understand the dislike many have for such events. I must admit to having the same sort of feelings about them myself. Especially last night when I realized I would be getting only 3 hours of sleep, or this morning as I was rushing about getting ready in 5 minutes, or even as I was dealing with some of the women at the conference( though, I refuse to believe that Mormon women are animals, as one women suggested today). But then something happened, I remembered why I volunteer for these things. I love the opportunity to be surrounded by amazing people. And the women of the LDS church are pretty darn amazing. There is something about the spirit that they carry. It was not hard to smile at chat to the ladies that were waiting in line to enter the conference center. It was even fun to answer questions and hand out free gifts. I complained repeatedly before attending this event. I believe, I even made fun of it but as I was there and even after when I was helping pack up, I could not complain. As a matter of fact, I would be glad to attend another one, it was a fun time.

Sidebar: I feel obligated to state that I am always amazed at the amount of pregnant women or women with babies under 3 months that attend these events. No wonder the world thinks we are baby making machines, at least 65% of the women gathered today fell in one of those 2 categories.

There were a couple of times when I was really in my element today. Though I must say my favorite moment was a discussion of restaurants at the end. There was a group of about 6 ladies that approached me. They were East coasters that had moved to Utah. Now that the conference was over they wanted to go to a restaurant. One knew their way around but no longer knew what restaurants were here. I of course directed them to Tyson’s (cuz that is where I know) and then came the task of finding a place that would meet the approval of all 6. It only took about 10 minutes, but was a puzzle I could sink my teeth into. The pregnant one couldn’t handle Chinese, 2 didn’t like Italian, 3 really wanted ethnic, all worried about price and were determined that they didn’t want to have to drive to far, one was apathetic about cuisine but was picky on service, and 2 described themselves as “food snobs”. After a discussion of various restaurants and service etc, I sent them on their way to The Lebanese Taverna, not my first choice, but not bad either. It was fun. There were many moments like that. Yet again why I sign up for these things, after 11 hours, I am finally home and completely exhausted. But I met some amazing people, had a lot of fun, and am at peace with myself. What other event can leave you saying that?

Now if I could just find a job where I was an executive assistant to an event planner, I would have one of the coolest jobs ever.

providing help in all aspects of your life......

Amusing moment in the life of HR:

I called our Aetna Members 800 number yesterday. It is the number that we have printed on all of our paperwork and forms. A number that we have posted to websites and our internal filebank.

So my call went like this:

Dial....

Ring.....

"To talk to people just like you in your local area, please press 1."

Confusion.....

Disconnect....

Redial....

Ring.....

"To talk and meet people just like you in your local area, please press 1."

Confusion.....

Disconnect....

Redial....

After the third try I realize this is really what is written here, I didn't miss dial, there was no mistake other then we have given out the wrong number.

Our new HR motto: "We are here to help all aspects of your work/life."

***Note: the corrections were also made. We no longer send our employees to a singles line when they need insurance assistance***

Lost or Not….

So I had a momentous occasion yesterday evening. I was walking home from the metro, this takes about 30 minutes. I love to walk especially when I a by myself, I always to listen to music via my fabulous iPod. Usually I am also either reading a book or talking on the phone. Yesterday was no exception. I had my headphones on and was just getting into my book “The Know-It-All” when I looked up to cross an entrance to a parking lot. Stopped directly in front of me was a white mini van full of people. They asked me for direction to either 95 or 495.
Now for a little background on me, I have lived here for a year and a half. Directions and I are not friends in any way shape or form. I have even gotten lost multiple times less then a mile from my office. I love to walk mostly because if I walk long enough I can find a familiar area and suddenly I am not lost any more.

To be stopped on the corner of Haycock and Westmoreland and asked for directions to a freeway I have never driven was a little daunting. But after a second or two I realized I knew how to get them there. I even remembered the street names. I gave them directions. They made me repeat it a couple of times to be sure they understood before driving away. I felt very triumphant. I gave directions, and not to some touristy place on the mall, where the directions include walk past the Washington monument and the reflecting pool. I gave real directions. The urge to do a victory dance was very strong. I am thankful that I was wearing a backpack otherwise the evening rush hour would have gotten a view of my jumping up and down like a fool. I know how to get around. Maybe not perfectly but hey I can get you to a major road!!

I GAVE DIRECTIONS!!

WAHOO!!!

The fear that I had sent them to the wrong place didn’t set in until about a block later. At that point I had to make phone calls to verify the directions I had given. Just in case you were wondering, they were good instructions.

So, a moment of silence, please, for the death of a very small part of my ignorance and then break out the flat cherry coke. It’s time to celebrate. This is finally home!!

600 years ago.....

Well I have always wondered who I would have been were I to live in the 1400's. Okay maybe not but it was an interesting test, none the less. And you all are stuck with the results.....

The Paladin You scored 10% Cardinal, 46% Monk, 58% Lady, and 54% Knight!

You are highly moral but also don't shy away from using force if your lord commands it. You are honourable to the point that you would readily sacrifice yourself for a noble cause. Your name will be the subject of tales and song for generations, however their concentration will be less on your deeds in life as on your martyrdom. You scored high as both the Knight and the Lady. You can try again to get a more precise description of the Knight or the Lady, or you can be happy that you're an individual.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 4% on Cardinal You scored higher than 43% on Monk You scored higher than 76% on Lady You scored higher than 87% on Knight

Ironically enough I would have been the same type of person, one that is a mix of everything. Good to know that regardless of the era I am still me! :)

Learning is a slow process

Well I have been 27 for 2 whole days.

I have learned two things:

1)Adding another candle to the birthday peach cobbler (thank you Cali) doesn’t mean added wisdom.

2) Concentrating and focusing on work after a ten day vacation to the beach is nigh unto impossible.

That is all.

Happy Birthday to......

ME!

It is official. As of 20 minutes ago I am another year older.

Do I feel any different?

I am not sure........

Give me 24 hours to try on this new year and I will report back. ;)

The Beach.......

I am home. I’m sitting in my room, missing the sounds of waves and the feel of moisture in the air.

The beach was fabulous. There are many moments that I have been replaying in my head. Steph and I drove down Friday morning. Once on island we just drove around, the air feels different. There is a weight to it, I love humidity. Unfortunately, short my short hair is not as big of a fan as I am. But I was at the beach so what do I care. We drove to the house and the first important thing I learned was that we had a hammock. First order of business, to take a nap in the hammock. Once unpacked I just wanted to chill. I went for a walk and watched the sunset. Very romantic, all by myself. From here all the days all seem to run together…I got to be an uninvited guest to a wedding. Yup, right next to where we had our beach towels up. Cool idea, few problems in the applications but nice in the end. [Note to all women reading this….if you are getting married at the beach, the theme is “Bare feet”. Do not force the wedding party to try and walk on the sand with shoes on, especially not flip flops, they cause sand to fly up, this is not elegant, classy, fun or any other word you would like to be used when describing your wedding.]

I got to read 2 full books and start 3 others. I got to sleep in the hammock for a full night listening to the sound of the waves. I got to call my mother from the beach. [During which I learned that my 18 year old brother, Hugh, graduates today with not only his high school diploma but also with his associates degree, he will receive a 75% state discount when he attends college, Hugh was accepted to BYU-Provo on a scholarship, and he will submit his mission papers later this month. Way to go Hugh, I am excited for you!] I got to get at least 3 separate sunburns. I learned SPF 15 does not work on my skin at all, SPF 30 works better but still not completely even when applied 3 times. There was swimming in a pool, swimming in the ocean, wave hopping with Violet from The Incredibles (I got to be Elastigirl , thank you very much) and playing Horse with Neigh, Neigh. Movie watching, sunrises and sunsets, walking by myself under the stars, all the things you want when on vacation.

I did a lot of thinking at the beach. There is something about listening to the waves… it is hypnotic you start noticing how big the ocean is, how small you are, how amazing our world is, how vast the universe is, which leads to what you want in life, what you have done with what you have been given, what you are missing, what to do about it. There was a lot of thinking. Steph says people are confused by me when I get into a thinking mood. They apparently don’t know how to read me, and therefore think I am mad or snotty. That is not my intent ever, I feel bad that this happens, but when I get inside my own brain sometimes I get lost. Anyway I apologize for any stand-offishness.

I look forward too..

There are many things I look forward to.

I look forward to the beach this weekend

I look forward to the comfort of a educational degree

I look forward to knowing my place in the scheme of things

I look forward to knowing the rules by which I should play

I look forward to seeing the excitement of my brothers next time I am

home for a visit

I look forward to X-men 3

I look forward to the next book I am going to read. I don't know what

it is yet but I am excited just thinking about it.

I look forward to getting rid of the "la grippe" (just for you Kate ;) )

What do you look forward to?

My Role in the Chaos

I spoke with my younger brother today. He got home from his mission last Thursday. He is ill. He has tried very hard to complete his mission but this is the second time he has had to come home, and this time it is for good. The first time was for surgery on his feet. This time it is due to ulcers. He has quite a few. Apparently he can’t keep any food down and he has horrible stomach pain. Add this to the terrible nightmares he has had for years (due to a family trauma when he was really little) and you come up with a young man who is always tired and in pain. This is not really conducive to a teaching spirit. So he came home for good.

Sad as that is that is, it’s not my reason for blogging tonight. One thing he said really struck me. He told me that he explained to another sister why he could talk to me. He said something to the effect that I understood him and would not judge him. Therefore he could always tell me what was going on and never be afraid that I would love him any less. I realize that I can and do play this role with many members of my family. I talk to most of them often, as a matter of fact, in the last week; I have spoken with a sister-in-law, 2 sisters, 4 brothers, my grandmother, my mother, and both of my dads. 11 people with at least 30 minutes if not more than an hour for each conversation. That is just 5 days. Can you imagine how much I talk to in a month? I usually talk to every person in my family every month (excluding nieces). Some of them I talk to more then once. And now you know why I have so many minutes and unlimited text messages.

This is the role that I am meant to play. A long time ago there was a blessing given that stated I needed to help hold my family together. I was to be the glue. I have had a very difficult time reconciling living in another state and “being the glue” for my family. But I realized today that I do not always have to be in the same house or even the same state for every member of my family to know that they are an important part. I am still pondering moving home. It is not something I want to do, the cycle that it leads to can be very detrimental to me. BUT…….this is part of who I am and who I will always be. Not every one will understand if I choose to move home. My family plays a significant role in my life; I doubt there will ever be a time when they don’t. It’s not something I can explain except to say that there are some things that you can’t understand unless you live through them, and we have lived through them together. The chaos, drama, and madness can be in an odd way comforting to me. There is no world without them, maybe it’s because there are enough of them to populate the world. But maybe, just maybe, it’s because they have always been my world and with out them, I am a little lost.

Some of the choas:


And more:


Plus:


Oh and the newest last month:


Plus 2 more adults I don't even have a photo of! When I said chaos, I really meant it. ;)

"Blossoming"

I had an interesting conversation with my step-father Kent yesterday. I had called home to talk to my mother for Mother’s Day only to find that she was still at church. So I talked to my dad for quite awhile. My parents divorced when I was 11 and Mom and Kent remarried shortly there after. He is the father who was in charge of my rebellious teenage years. He is the father who would give the monthly interviews to make sure I was on track spiritually, emotionally, and socially. I won’t say he is perfect but he is one of the men I am most grateful for in my life. We talked of various things. For the first time in over a year I had one of our old interviews. I was able to ask a few pertinent questions myself. But what struck me the most was a comment he made partially in jest. He asked me if I was done blossoming out here in DC so that I could come home, because he could use the help.

I know this was not done to guilt trip me in any way. He could use the help; my family has always been a chaotic mess, and this was his way of letting me know that he would welcome any help I could offer. I have been in the role before; therefore he was slightly teasing me about it. But there was an underlying current of seriousness. My heart aches at the struggles I know exist with in my family. I know that part of who I am needs to assist in the handling of these struggles. To do that I would have to move home, I have thought about it ever since. I sat home and brooded about it last night. I don’t want to move home. I like living out here, but I miss my family. I miss the comfort of the familiar. I miss my boys. But I came out here for a purpose. Have I attained that purpose? Have I finished? Have I done what I was supposed to do? Have I grown in the ways I needed to? Am I that different then when I left home? In some ways I am. In others I haven’t changed at all. But family is the most important thing in this life. Do I go home to help? Or do I continue to “blossom”? I hate decisions.

Rainy Thursday

Yesterday it rained. It was gray and gross and everyone was whining. But I loved it. I love the seasons. I love when they change, but when it rains something happens to the air. I think I would love t0 live in the rain forest someday. It was sprinkling off and on all day but no real heavy showers. I got home and was sitting in my bay window when the real storm came. The sky opened up and it came down in buckets. Huge drops soaking into the ground. I couldn’t help it; I went outside and just stood in it. Letting the rain soak into my hair and run down my face. I tilted my head back and let the rain wash away all the stress of the past week. I looked around and realized that the puddles in the area were going to be amazing. Already I could see one or two that were begging to be jumped in. But I couldn’t do it by myself. I was too self-conscious of who could be watching the crazy woman playing in the rain all by herself. I immediately wished for my boys to come and play. But they are too old and too far away now for such simple joys as puddle jumping. As I stood in the rain yesterday, I remembered rains of the past. Paul and James and I out in the street in Utah, the amazement that would sweep over their face as they would splash through the puddles that came half way up their calves. Later it was Lukas and I in the parking lot of the Church down the street. The joys of us splashing and playing until we were soaked. These play times were always followed with a bath or shower (depending on the age of those playing) and warm clothes. I miss my boys. Not that it would be the same, even if they had been here. They have grown up now. The little boys that I used to spend hours with, making red and green popcorn, playing hide and seek, running around playgrounds, no longer exist. Lukas is 9, James is 13, and Paul is 14. They are too old to do silly things like that. But I miss the moments.

Moments of Contemplation

Someone recently asked me “where I was”. I made a joke of it due to the fact that I am not sure. I am in a place where I think a lot. Life is full of moments of contemplation. I look forward to the beach trip in a couple of weeks. I think I might take a day and just sit on the beach all by myself. I haven’t sat and listened to the waves for awhile.

For now the highlights of the last 3 weeks:

Arizona was good.
I had a great talk with my father and Patty, it will be a moment to remember
I got to meet more cousins I did not know I had
It was nice to see my sisters
Dad and Patty asked me to move to Arizona, again

Kate took me to a library last Thursday
Hello my name is Rachel Gifford. I am a bookaholic
I spent an hour soaking up the peace and then checked out 11 books
I have read 6 of them

The weekend with Cam was good.
You can learn a lot about yourself in less then a week.
I found the bookshop for the Lincoln, Vietnam, and Korean War memorials,
which means….
….I got 3 new books. The joy at that was almost overwhelming

Rent was great, even if Roger couldn’t sing.
I am not really as liberal as I think sometimes
I love sitting in a dark theater with music surrounding me.

Life is full of moments that cause contemplation

Life Lesson for the day...

So this wonderful life lesson comes to us thanks to my lil' sis...

Click Here to put this clip in your profile!

The Pose...

I'll blog about the trip to Arizona another time. It is still settling into my mind. But just so everyone knows....showing up at the wrong airport is not the smartest thing in the world. oops! ;)

To jump on the meme bandwagon here is my sleeper pose.....

Find your own pose!

Paper Dolls Traits and Tendencies Paper Dolls don't do well when separated; they need regular physical contact to keep in sync. If forced to remain apart for a stretch any longer than eight to ten hours, they can sometimes feel untethered, or even dizzy. But once reunited, all it takes is the simple brush of fingers, or a surreptitious foot-on-foot press under the table, and all is right with the Paper Dolls once again.

Note Paper Dolls is a Sea Sleepers pose. A possible alternate Sea pose you might enjoy: Sixth Posture of the Perfumed Forest.

Health Note Ginger pills, available at any health-inspired market, can sometimes calm the jitters that come when unforeseen factors force two Paper Dolls apart.

Apparently I am very needy......

Realizing....

I am realizing that my hair is more important to me than I had originally thought. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. It’s time to move on.

Gettysburg on Saturday was fun. A group of us went up and took thee hour long tour. I learned a lot and enjoyed the views. It was my first time there. I really enjoyed it. I was also reminded why I tend to visit historical sites and museums alone. I love to dawdle. I am slow. I love to look at every monument and see everything. This is not a good thing when you are under a time constraint. But it was a nice trip. Followed by a birthday party at Dave and Busters for a good friend, There I learned that arcade games are not my forte. Never fear I just need more practice. I will get there. Lol!

I am tired again. I think I will sleep some more. I hope everyone had a fab-u-lous Easter!

They have arrived

I have had it confirmed.I now look like my mother. I have mixed feelings about this. But due to continuous nagging I am giving in. For those that want to see it…here you go.






Those with the pink sweater are from Sunday, they were taken by my wonderful roommate Camille. Those with the white sweater are from Monday at work. They were taken by my good friend Steph with her new camera.

Procrastination....

You know I have decided that I am the Queen of Procrastination. I am not sure this will ever change. I put things off until they have to be done. Let’s take tax season for example. Taxes are due Saturday. January, the w-2’s started to arrive (there were only 2 not that hard to track down) I plan to do my taxes early this year. February I made sure I both sets of W-2’s and I was gonna do my taxes then. Did I? NO! March…….my father calls and asks if I want him to take care of my taxes. I say sure, he said all he needed was me to ship him the W-2’s and he would take care of everything. A bit later my friend Sarah then calls and offers the same…”thanks for the offer but my dad is going to take care of them for me”. April approaches, it is not here yet but already my roommate the tax attorney is helping others with their taxes. Other roommates are finishing theirs. April is here, every where I turn some one is bailing on an activity due to the “I am working on my taxes tonight” excuse. But do I do mine. No. So here it is Wednesday April 12th and I am getting ready to call my dad so he can walk me through the steps. Of course I never sent him the W-2’s so he can’t just take care of it as he wants to. The poor people I punish because of my procrastination.
Next year I am going to be better……..if I remember ;)

Its a boy.....

I knew something was a little off...this totally explains the cravings for sushi!
But for those of you wondering....Steph found this fabulous website(http://www.thepregnancytester.com/ ) that told me I was pregnant!! I am going to have a 13lb baby boy with red hair and green eyes. Would you like to know who the daddy is? I was quite curious myself. But to my surprise it was the pool guy...[and now you know how to keep them employed even when you don't have a pool;)]
Here is BoyToy PoolGuy, called BT for short....

What have I Done?

I can't believe it. I am nuts....After years of long hair I gave in to an impulse. I cut it. All of it. It is gone. I had hair down past the middle of my back. I had thick wavy hair that could be worn wavy or straight, up or down. But then today I gave into the thought that has been percolating for months. So it wasn’t a complete impulse I guess. I needed a cut and thought about short once or twice. But I have not had hair this short since I was 10 years old.
As a child my mother would cut our hair into a boy cut every summer. This means, by the way, that by the time school pictures came around we all had mullets. Any way this went on thru 5th grade. Then life changed and the time for hair cuts was never made. At that point I decided I never wanted short hair again. I have had a few uncomfortable moments where I went with a bob-not a good look for me. So where did I get the idea that a pixie cut would be a good look for me? I have no idea. But I am stuck with it. I will take a few pictures and post them later. I have to find a way to do my hair first.

Drama’s over. I am told it is actually cute. I just have this fear that I look like my mother and who wants to look like their mother!

Vacation......

It has been decided....I am going on vacation. The plans have been in the works for months. I needed something to plan. So the first short trip I am talking is to Mesa, AZ. My half-sister is getting baptized. So we are all gathering to my father’s house for the weekend. It should be fun. I haven’t seen that side of my family in a year. Email and phone calls are not the same. I leave April 21st and return April 24th. I told you it was short. I only get the weekend. But sometimes with family a weekend is enough.

On to the real vacation….Memorial Day Weekend. I am taking a week at the beach. At least that is the plan. I have the spot in the house. I have the friends to go down. We are staying a bit longer then normal I guess…. We go down Friday early morning and then we get to relax, relax, and relax. Beach, Sun, water, fun! I am so excited. We are not to return until Saturday June 3rd. And here we run into the snag in my perfect week. I have a YSA conference that weekend. I am on the committee and so I am supposed to attend the conference. Then again, do I really want to go to a 3 day meeting where they talk about commitment? Technically I do not have a ride back until Saturday. So really I can’t make the conference. Maybe I can find someone coming back Wednesday or Thursday. Who knows? It is over a month a way. Right now I am just basking in the joy of anticipation…. (Is that even a sentence?)

Mesa for a weekend......The Beach for a week.

What were your favorites.....

It has been a whole week. Can you believe it. I hardly can. Time flies. This weekend was General Conference. I highly enjoyed it. Granted I slept through Elder Ballards comments as usual (there is just something about that man's voice, you can't help it.) But there were so many great comments. I think my favorite talks were Elder M. Russell Nelson, Elder David R Stone, Elder Robert S Wood, and Elder Joseph B Wirthlin.
Favorite Quotes:

"Marriage is the foundry for social order"
Elder M. Russell Nelson

"Courage is the basis and foundation of all other virtues."
Elder David R. Stone

"It is in the quest for the abundant life that we find eternity"
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Thoughts to ponder....

A Day...

NOTE: Today’s thoughts are stilted and random.

I took a day today.

My moods being what they are I tend to take these every so often. Today was beautiful outside. But I made a deal with myself. If I was going to take a day, I was going to be productive. And I was. I finished unpacking (I have lived here since last August and can now officially say I am moved in). I rearranged the furniture in my bedroom to make room for the new dresser. And I cleaned. The new arrangement is nice. It is clean and new. And only took 8 hours of my day. And to top off my day I finished with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, one of our family favorites. We used to watch it on Sunday afternoons. I can sing all of the words. It brings back good memories. It was fun. The music is still soothing to the soul. The ending still makes me laugh. The dancing still causes a dreamy sigh. A highly enjoyable day.
Hopefully I can get my mind to engage for work tomorrow…..

The Moods....

I was looking back over previous posts and I realized I tend to write when I am in a contemplative mood. I was in one just a few weeks ago....I thought the lull would be longer but it wasn't. I am not helping by the things that I am reading. I just finished Tony Parson’s book Man and Wife. His first book left me in a mood for days. I am not sure why I thought this one would be different. As a follow up I read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom this afternoon. Both books made me take a look at the world around me and realize that we are all searching for something in this life. My friend Cam calls it connection. Others have told me it is peace. Some say it is acceptance. I think these are all pieces of the same. I think it is all connected to love. Or should I say our own perceptions of love. I have recently realized what I was searching for, I doubt its possibility. No it is not love and marriage and all of those things, though I am looking for those things at some point. Regardless now that I recognize the futility I must change my thinking and search for things that can actually be good for me….. What are you searching for?

And the results are in....

I AM NOT A CHEF, COOK, OR ANYTHING ELSE HAVING TO DO WITH THE KITCHEN!!!

Sorry for the shout, there was lots of pent up frustration about dinner last night. So let me give you a semi-short reenactment:

Rachel gets off work early so that she can go home and finish the prep for the meal…misses bus.; hauls tail to the Transit Center (making a 25 minute walk into a 12 minute walk/run) to catch her connection, which she does by running in the parking lot and waving her arms.

Once home, the enchiladas are already in the oven thanks to Kara a wonderful roommate. Allowing 30 mins for the enchiladas to heat through, Rachel now has time to heat the refried beans and make the Guacamole. (Which turned out rather well if I do say so myself)

Missionaries (Elder Lund and Elder McDonald) show up a few minutes early with the token Priesthood Holder in tow, Jesse somebody or other. The table is not set, and the enchiladas are still in the oven; not to worry we have time. While the fabulous roommate Kate entertains, Rachel goes into finish in the kitchen. While taking a tray of enchiladas out of the oven she burns her hand, not being allowed to scream and shout curse words due to the missionaries she quietly set the tray down and checks to see if they are done; which, of course, they are not. Back in the oven they go. She now has time to stick her hand under cold water. When her hand is no longer throbbing she does, what her grandmother always told her to do, she puts butter on in. (Yeah you laugh all you want. I know it is an old wives tale, but 2 things a) I was not thinking clearly and b) it made it stop throbbing. The blister never appeared. And the burn is not half as bad as it could have been. Plus I didn’t want the people in the living room to know what a doofus I was. Now back to the story)

Rachel starts to set the table; Sour cream, Guacamole, plates etc. and the refried beans straight from the stove. Once every one is seated she takes a tray of enchiladas that are warmed through but not hot (GRRR…) and sets them on the table; leaving the 2nd tray in the oven to continue to heat. Fabulous, roommate Kate turns off oven with out Rachel knowing.

Dinner lasts a good long time. There is enjoyable conversation, and the declaration that dinner is good. But really what else are they going to say, they're missionaries and it is free food. When Rachel finally remembers the 2nd tray, the top is crispy, but not burned because of fabulous roommate Kate, so Rachel sets them on the stove top. Dessert (Gourmet cookies provided by that fabulous roommate Kate again) and then closing prayer and we are done. At this point there is the realization that something in burning. Nothing is in the oven; the enchiladas are on the stovetop. So, if you were wondering if a stove top set on low can heat through a Pyrex casserole dish and burn a tray of enchiladas black. The answer is YES. And not just a little burn, we are talking charcoal. Yes, I forgot to turn off the stove when I removed the refried beans. And that is the pleasant note that the missionaries left on.

Why do I even try? I am going back to Ghetto Parmesan Chicken and Freezer foods. Grr…at least I have fed them for this month. I don’t have to try again till next month. :)

The Greatest Day

Thursday is the greatest day of the week. I have thought this for quite sometime now. When I tell people, they always look at me like I am crazy. If you look at it logically I am right. Let me explain…..

Monday is not the greatest day. It is the first day of the week. But it is not exactly the worst day. You have just come back from the weekend, yeah you wish it was still the weekend, but you can handle going to work knowing you just had 2 days off.

Tuesday is the worst day of the week. There is nothing special about Tuesday, you are not just back from the weekend, and you are not halfway through the week, the weekend is not even in sight. There is nothing good about a Tuesday [unless you had Monday off and then Tuesday is not so bad ;)]

Wednesday is a pretty good day. You have made half way. You can see the weekend; there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thursday is the best day. You are over half way. The next day is the weekend; the anticipation is so strong you can taste it. You are almost there.

Friday is a great day; it is usually busy with things that have to be done at work before the weekend. The day will fly by right up until ten minutes before quitting time. And then the minutes turn to hours as you watch the clock. Finally quitting time and you rush out to start the weekend.

Saturday and Sunday…these ones fly by, they are usually filled. You can fill them with activities and errands or just with sleep and relaxation. But they are so full that they are over too soon. There is never enough time. So as much as you enjoy these days they are not the best days because they are always over much too soon.

And then the cycle starts all over…..

So really no matter how you look at it……

Thursday is the best day of the week.

Will they survive.......

Let me tell you first off.....I am no chef. I can cook a few dishes. There’s Ghetto Chicken Parmesan, which consists of Chicken Nuggets, Preggo Spaghetti Sauce, and Parmesan Cheese (thank you DAD); Chicken and Cheese Rice Bake (Chicken, rice, water, and Monterey Jack Cheese) and Freezer foods.

But I can actually cook one dish that I am proud of. My signature dish is my red sauce beef and cheese enchiladas. I think they are pretty good. My brothers loved dinners when I made them at home, which was not often. It usually takes about an hour of prep time and then another hour in the oven. So this is not a meal you can whip up after work. But the missionaries are coming to dinner. If I am going to cook for them I have to have something edible. Something I don’t worry would kill them.
I am preparing the night before they are to come. I can just pop the trays in the oven when I get home and dinner will be ready at 7. Tonight, though, was not my night. I had previously shopped for everything I needed (or so I thought) except for the enchilada sauce. So tonight after work I walked to the giant next to the metro. Unfortunately they were out of enchilada sauce. Did you know that was a possibility…I didn’t. Who runs out of enchilada sauce? Bah!
I have a wonderful roommate (Thank you Kate) who offered to take me to the nearest Safeway to see what we could find. Now logically, I am at home, preparing to go to the store, I should double check to make sure I have all of my ingredients. Did I? NO! I went to the store blissfully ignorant of the trouble ahead. With Sauce purchased, dinner eaten and everything ready so that I can make the enchiladas, I realized that I was missing a key ingredient. How was I to make my meal? Oh the drama!!! There was a frantic call to my mother and my sister. How do I substitute? What will work? If I add more of this how do I compensate for the spiciness? I can’t destroy the one dish that I can actually cook. I will not go into detail about the mess that ensued. Roommates were brought in for taste testing. What if I use more of this and less of that? A dash of this should give it the right kick….or not. The only complaint is that the first tray might be a little bit spicy. In the midst of all of this drama, the elders called to confirm only to tell me that they now have a meeting at 7 pm. Therefore dinner will have to be moved up an hour. This is fine except that no one will be home to put the food in the oven. Roommates are again assembled to see if any one will be home just to put the food in the oven. I will be home to take it out. Another crisis averted. Now on to the final problem; I just took them out of the oven for the pre-cook, only to find that they have overflowed the pans and spilled in the oven. Well it seems I can’t win for losing today. I’ll clean the oven tomorrow after the missionaries leave. The day should be better. ;)
Wish me luck. Hopefully the missionaries will enjoy? Hopefully I won’t give them food poisoning! :)

I Love You?

So a friend of mine discussed the use of this phrase on her blog. She posed the question that maybe the over use of this phrase reduces the meaning. Since I am in a contemplative mood anyway today I have been pondering this. I recalled a conversation between me and my younger sister. When she married her husband there were definite differences in their communication styles. Our siblings and I have learned by sad experience that people don’t always stay around. Some of us have picked up the habit of saying “I love you” when ever we leave or even end a conversation with a family member or close friends. This was a not the norm for my sisters new husband. She had to explain that she needed to hear those words from him when he left in the morning or ended a call with her. Even more, she needed him to understand that she needed to say these words to him, regardless of who was around, as there was always the possibility that it would be the last time she saw/spoke to him. Her overuse never diminished it’s meaning. It was just as important to her each time she says it.

In contrast if overusing it would diminish its meaning then would under use deepen the importance when it was said?

I don’t think so. As I recall the days of my youth I don’t recall them being used by my mother all that often except when extreme emotion was involves. As a matter of fact these words were used as more of a manipulative tool when I was young. It was always pulled out in the middle of a fight as if that would change what was going on…It’s okay because I love you and therefore I can treat you this way. Or how could you act that way I love you…etc. I don’t think this gave more importance to these words. (Then again what was it just yesterday I blogged about how nice it was to hear these very words from my mother. Ironic I know.)

To finish these are not words I use all that often. I know I don’t say it enough. I have to find the delicate balance. I never want to use this phrase and have people feel that I am trying to manipulate their actions by my use of emotion. I hate being manipulated by my emotions. But I also need to let those that are important to me know that I will miss them when they leave. I think I am almost there.

Now I am bored being contemplative and Gilmore Gilrs should be starting soon. Time to be light hearted.

For those who want to know.....

All right already. I'll post it.....

Apparently, as with everything else, I tend to be unpredicatable. But as it says I'm always in the mood to try something new.

You're a Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

A nice note...

I had a good day today.....It was a little crazy busy. There was the sad news that my friend had to have surgery Sunday night (she just had her appendix out, she is already home resting). There were projects for work that came up last minute rearranging things for the rest of this week. Then there was the Hockey game. The ward went to see the Washington Caps vs Montreal. Gwen and Steph condescended to sit with us instead of paying for the good seats. So we were literally in the last row of the arena. Unfortunately the Caps lost yet again, but it was still enjoyable to be out with such a large group.

Even better though was what I came home to……you know sometimes parents do great things for their kids. Today was one of those days. I came home to a letter from my mother. Essentially she told me she was proud of me and that she loved me. Not something I hear frequently from her. I think she just assumes that I know these things. It was nice to hear. It is even nicer to know. I hope one day when I have kids, heaven forbid, I can remember how important those moments are. I hope I can remember to duplicate the great things my parents did for us when we were small. Hymns to lull us to sleep, green eggs and ham on St Patty’s day, Slurpee’s on Payday (it was a treat we could afford) . Of course these things lasted no longer then my parents’ marriage but they left memories with me and my siblings. Hopefully the good things can be carried on.

Now I am done being contemplative. I am going to take a test from blogthings. Maybe I will share the answer. What do you think? Wanna know what kind of kisser I am? Yeah me neither. ;) Lol!

Snarky.....

Have you ever noticed that when you get your feelings hurt and immediately react you almost never say the things you want to say.....I snarked at a good friend today. Actually, I snarked at a good friend 10 minutes ago. And now it is bothering me. All over something silly. I got my feelings hurt by not being included. And then by some one making me feel silly over wanting to be included. One of my many faults is immediate reaction to being made to feel stupid or silly. It stems from my childhood and having too many people tell me that I wasn't ....something(smart, good, something)...enough. I work hard to control the instant angry reaction. Most people don't intend to treat you like you are being silly or stupid. I usually do pretty well, but sometimes I miss the step to angry reaction. When it happens usually I will pull out of any conversation because I know I will say something unkind it I continue to talk and there is no excuse for unkindness.

So now I have to apologize..and then explain. Which is really not worth the effort as it was silly to begin with. I am tired just thinking about it. Or maybe I am just tired. *sigh*

Happy Saint Patricks Day!

Top o’ the mornin' to ya!

St. Patrick’s Day has arrived.......Wahoo!! This happens to be one of my favorite holidays, for no apparent reason. One day I would like to go to Chicago and see the parade and the dyeing of the Chicago River. It would be even better to be able to go to Ireland. *sigh* I do have Irish in my family. One of the stories says we are from Galway Bay in Ireland. My mothers maiden name is Galloway....the change happened somewhere along the line. (Hmmm....that would be interesting to find out) Any way, there is really no reason for me to love this day so much. But I do. I am giddy today. I have been wearing green all week. Not that that is really different then any other week. It is my favorite color after all. But I don't drink...so really green beer, not for me. I do remember once when I was little (We lived in New Hampshire at the time so it was somewhere between 5 and 7 years old) Mom got up early and made us green breakfast. Green eggs and Ham, special just for St Patty's day, well and the book by Dr. Seuss, of course. It is a fun Memory. I usually don't go to massive parties on this day. Tonight for instance, I will be hanging with my great girlfriends while we plan our major outing for the fall. But there is something about this holiday that just makes me smile. Maybe it is the fact that it is spring, and there is green involved. I am just so easily pleased these days. I hope you enjoy this wonderful holiday.

City Girl at Heart

So, I was pondering many things today. But as I walked the 30 minutes to my house after work I recognized my love for the city. I live in the ‘burbs. It's not as bad as it was last summer when walking any where was not even an option. Right now I am at least a 30 minute walk to anything. So I have decided that I am a city girl.

I love knowing that I can walk anywhere, I can go to the library or the grocery store, or the theatre with out having to rely on any one else. The access to the metro system any time of day, allowing me to get any where I want any time I want. [Kind of ;)] I miss that part where I live. I love coming home to a house with lighted windows...it is comforting in a way. But, I miss being independent. I hate feeling like I am abusing a relationship because I can never get to an activity on my own...(shut it....I know you don't care but I do!) I miss knowing that I can do anything I want with out having to push any one else to go with me.

I love the sights and sounds of the city. I love the people rushing everywhere, places to be, things to do, people to see. I love the zoos and the parks. I love the museums and the theatres. I love the shopping plazas and the restaurants. I love the city. I miss living in the city.

The Family....

Over Christmas we had Family Pictures taken. Life is never as it seems in the pictures.... But these turned out pretty nicely.

Here is my step family....Mother, Step-Dad, and 11 siblings...I grew up with these people. We look so happy and...close.

And now we add the spouses and gradchildren........yet again with the hugging. It makes us look closer. There is a line in a song somewhere that says why can't we live like we look in our family picture. The formal picture for the sitting room wall....I think it is okay....But I am grateful that right before Lukas goes on his mission we will have to take another one....that's only 10 years.... Already this picture is out of date as there was a baby born in January and one to be born next month.

This one is my favorite. These are the moments I cherish. We do have them every so often. One of the kids (I think it was Ralph) cracked a joke and the photographer caught it on camera. This is the laid back atmosphere I want to establish in my family when I have one. One of fun and love.

Now back to work........

I'm a snob?

You Are Boston

Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots. Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best. And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

The Calm....

It is Friday....I made it through the week. As I sit here at the front desk I realized that I am in the calm before the storm. I have 57 minutes before I head back to the HR Office and receive my assignments for today.

I had a whole blog written…but it sounded too whiney even for me. So instead I am going to give you ……..

Fear No More The Heat O' The Sun

Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages;
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' the great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke:
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash,
Nor the all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have;
And renownéd be thy grave!

~~William Shakespeare~~

I miss you Gramps!

Just when you think....

Just when you think that life is comfortable you get slammed. Today was too busy to think...so today you get a poem. (I just started a favulous book of poetry and this is one I enjoyed) This poem was in written in response to Marlowe's "A Passionate Shepherd to His Love" Here is her response to the shepherd.....Hee Hee Hee

The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complains of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.

The gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,—
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Content...

I AM CONTENT

Work is steady. Okay, Okay, okay I get a little stressed when I have 3 projects and they are not done and I want to go for sushi at lunch and my boss is working through the lunch hour just to get her projects done, and then to top it off I take an extra half hour.... Then I am no fun and can be considered not nice. As a matter of fact...I have decided I don't handle stress all that well. I hate it. Sit back, let me go at my own pace and it will get done with in your time limit....give me 6 things to do all at the same time with out giving me an order of priority and tell me they all have to be done and I could possible get upset. Especially when you are sitting there watching me work....I hate having people watch me work. It takes a lot of concentration for me to multi task...therefore I
get snippy with those that talk to me. I like to be left alone to get it done. But that is not what I am talking about…..

I AM CONTENT

I have spoken to my family…listened to the words and let them slide right off. Okay it might have taken a day or two to get over it. And maybe tomorrow it will start all over again. But today….

I AM CONTENT

I have talked to various friends and life is moving along really well for so many of them. Old friends are having baby number 2; new friends are starting new relationships together, other friends are enjoying new jobs….life is good.

I AM CONTENT.

I am not overly happy about anything. There are things causing me to smile. There is beauty all around me. New friends are appearing. Old friends are re-appearing. The world around me is starting to thaw and blossom. The wind blows fierce and fresh. Life is good.

I AM CONTENT

Discontinued......

The Fault is mine. I was not careful enough with my possessions. My favorite headphones, the beloved and dear headphones I have had for months, are now no longer. There was an incident whilst I was stocking the kitchen at work. Unfortunately, they are irreplaceable. They have been discontinued. There was much angst and frustration while in the Sony store, all carefully kept inside as I knew it was not the fault of the very nice salesman. Therefore, I had to pick out a new pair. I do not like them; they do not fit the same way. They are not as comfortable. They are not what I wanted. I am sad… I will adjust.

The Girl Scouts....

The time of year has come....Girl Scouts scour the land for every gullible person in existence. Every soul who is a sucker for a small girl with big eyes and those horrible uniforms. Mothers….fathers…..grandmothers….co-workers….school teachers…we are suckers. We buy year after year. The Samoas, the Thin Mints, the Tagalongs, The Treefoils, and the Lemon whatever’s….the list goes on. Buy 3…6…9…15 boxes, they go in the freezer or out on a tray and tempt us. It is not that they aren’t any good. As a matter of fact one co-worker today has decided that the Girl Scout cookies must be laced with Crack or some other addictive substance. Otherwise, why do we eat them? A boxful at the time?

So the trial of my will power has come. I have purchased my own boxes, they are stored under my desk to be carefully transported home and frozen. These will be brought out for celebrations of various things…or those really bad days that you just need a cookie. But another co-worker of mine to be nice has set out a box of my favorite cookies (the Somoas) at the front desk.

For those that don’t actually know me; I work Front Office/HR for a computer company. Half of the week I sit at the front desk, our company stocks a candy jar and a gumball jar for our front desk. These do not tempt me. I can withstand all of the chocolate and sugar gumballs. But these cookies….chocolate, coconut, caramel, what can I say……I am not sure I can hold out. I have had my limit. 2! No more! No less! Now I just have to get through the next hour.

We’ll see ;)

I learned from Mama....

I went and saw a movie last night. I know I know something new for me. Lol! I have felt out of the loop as I haven't been to a movie in 2 weeks. This time I let my roommate Kate pick what we would see. A risky venture, I know, but I trust her. I mean who else went to see rent with me so many times.  Kate picked Madea’s Family Reunion, apparently a sequel to the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I have not seen the first so I came into this knowing very little. As a matter of fact, after the previews were over I leaned over to Kate and asked what movie we were seeing. Kate thinks this is hilarious, really I just like the previews to other movies so much I forget what we are there to see. Any way back to the movie ……. I really enjoyed it. 2 thumbs up from this peanut gallery. It had an interesting look at life, one I can only partially identify with. I am not ever going to be a beautiful black woman engaged to be married to a rich but abusive man. The best I can hope for is the ‘not bad looking white girl with the huge family to complicate matters”. There were things said and people in the movie that I did not know or completely understand….The end scene a gorgeous man came on the screen and the audience oooh’d and aaah’d. My friends and I, the only 3 white girls in the theater, were lost as to who this was. The lady in front had to lean over and tell me his name…which was lost on me as I still don’t know who he was, but he did look nice. ;) Some things, though, are universal. As I watched these women struggle with the past, present, and possible futures, I realized that things are hard all over. Things are never as they seem.
I also realized that among all my many complaints about my mother she did teach me a few basics…..
1. Family is family…..you are there for each other no matter the cost.
2. Family is work…..nothing worth it comes easy
And finally and most important
3. If a man I was dating or married to ever laid a hand on me or my children…….let’s just say ”Grit-ball” would be going easy on him.
You don’t hit me and you never ever hit my babies (be they 2, 20, or 40)…..ever!
So no matter the gripes or complaints I have regarding my mother she did teach me the important things, for which I will always be grateful.

I took a test.....

I took a test and here is the me they represent .....
Do you agree?

the Questioner Test finished!

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

The Dilemma of the Moment

A bit ago a friend posted on her blog a conversation about friends and flirting. I requested that she remove my name as the conversation we had was not for public interest. I did not want people to know that I was the one that was worried about the flirting. But now I am going to respond. In a desperate attempt not to gain any more emotional weight I am going to purge the thought here. So those that don’t want to read all my dirty little secrets skip this post please. If you will struggle looking me in the eye due to the fact that I have a whole lot of past sin, then I suggest you wait until the next post.

A little background:
I’ll start with the fact that I am one of those people with few friends, at least according to my definition. Those I number as friends can be counted on 1 hand. Now this is not to say I am not friendly with many people. But I count these as acquaintances. I have many of those. As my dad says these are probably people that would count me as their friend and would assume vice versa. I am more then willing to be a friend to anyone; As a matter of fact I have been confidant to many, and enjoy going out and playing with quite a few in the acquaintance category. But a friend in my book is one that I would feel comfortable calling in a bind or struggle. It is one that I could call when I am afraid or crying. There are very few of these. I was taught at an early age that those are weaknesses that can be used against you. And I try to give as few people as possible the keys to my destruction. It is uncomfortable for me….end of story. But those that I count as friends….suffice to say that I would do anything for them. As cheesy and trite as it sounds, I would go to the ends of the earth for them.

Recently my relationship with one of my friends was, well for lack of a better word, under attack. I was told by my family that it was inappropriate due to the fact that he is engaged to be married. Our relationship could not be kept platonic due to him being a man and me being a woman. There were harsh things said, my family has yet to recover from the argument. I defended my relationship with the knowledge that it wasn’t like that. We are friends, I would do anything he needed, but he would never be inappropriate with me that way. His fiancée (wife??…are you married yet?) is an amazing woman one that I look to as an example of goodness. I would never be inappropriate with him for many reasons. First, been there done that in my past, not fun and the cause of 20 pounds in emotional weight, no thanks! Secondly, I respect him and his fiancée way too much to ever even want to do that. Third, and in my mind most important, He is a friend and deserves all the happiness that this life has to offer. She can give that to him. I would not be any kind of friend if I tried to harm that relationship. I know all these things in my head and I tried to put the things that had been said by my family out of my head.

The Problem:
But recently someone else I count as friend commented on the relationship and termed it as flirting, only to be confirmed by yet another friend when questioned. (I have yet to ask the friend this is related to as he has too much on his plate right now) Now let’s look at the numbers, Out of the 5 people that I would count as my friends, 2 of them say that I am flirting with this gentleman. That is pretty damning evidence. One states that it is all a matter of definition and therefore nothing to worry about. I do not see things this way. In my book flirting is flirting and flirting with someone engaged or married is inappropriate. I just don’t see my relationship with this particular gentleman in that light. But the worry has set in and I can’t seem to get past it. Am I being inappropriate? I am not doing it intentionally, but is it happening anyway? Am I flirting unconsciously? Deep down do I have the intent to harm this relationship? How could I be that type of person? What do I do? Do I end all contact as was suggested by my family months ago? How do I go back to a relationship that is merely an acquaintance after a person becomes such a good friend? I have never done that, I do not know if I can. I do not know if I need to. But I do know that if I don’t find out the weight I have already gained is going to double.

The Conclusion:
Really there is no conclusion. That is why I am purging. I do not know what to do, I am struggling to figure out what to do and gaining weight faster than you can spit. I hate not knowing my own mind. I fear that what I think about myself is never the clear view. So I listen to the view of those that I count as friends, those that know who I am and why I do things. But as the scriptures state “By their works ye shall know them”; what do my works state of me? This is what I need to figure out.

The Holiday Weekend starts

The weekend has officially started. Steph got us out of work 45 minutes early, which means I got a ride instead of the bus. This is always a two sided bonus. On the one hand I was home before 5. On the other I didn’t get to walk. When I can convince myself to take the bus I remember how much I like it. I love listening to music and walking. I don’t require the attention of any one else. And I like it that way. Today would have been a good day to walk, I have been pondering change.
The definition reads as follows:

To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word.

To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden.

To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category: change one's name; a light that changes colors.

To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch: change methods; change sides.

To transfer from (one conveyance) to another: change planes.

There are many others but these definitions are unsettling to my mind. I am recognizing the beginnings of change in my life. Over the last year lots has changed. But it was changes I was comfortable with. They were changes I either expected or ones that I was happy about. The changes that are happening now are ones that I have not prepared for. This is uncomfortable. Oddly enough I am the one of my friends always touting that we should try something new. Go new places, try new foods (BTW I tried Sushi for the first time on Thursday, not just the California rolls either, the real stuff, I didn’t hate it, I didn’t love it, I will have to have it again. Now back to what I was saying) I am always the instigator of these things.

Reality is that I only try new things when I am comfortable with my surroundings. I love where I am living currently, I love my group of friends, but I am sensing shifts in the currents upon which I exist. Not bad ones. As a matter of fact these shifts are great for those involved, they are fabulous things, but I am selfish, I was enjoying this phase of my life. And I am seeing a future where this phase is ending. I do not like that. There is no point in whining. Change is constant and never-ending. If I haven’t gotten used to it by now, I had better learn quick. Lol! I thought I had learned this lesson, apparently I was wrong. Lol!
Now I am going to go and enjoy my 3 day weekend….Hope you do the same….Travel Safe Sheila and the Professor.

approaching the end......

The best feeling in the world is normal. At least that is what I am thinking tonight. I am recognizing that I am finally approaching the end of this self induced pity party that I have been on. Lol! Would you like to know how I know......I know you are just dying to understand. It is eating away at you. How does this chick figure out that her self induced depression is finally lifting? Yeah I can read your thoughts....maybe I am projecting...ya think. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. So how do I know? I cleaned my room. And when I say cleaned...it means you can see the floor again. It is too late to start the organization that still needs to be done (I have a box in the closet that hasn't been unpacked from the move last Aug. Lol!) but I finally started to get back to a semblance of normal. The bed is finally made with the sheets and blankets tucked in with hospital corners. The laundry that has been sitting on the floor is hanging nicely in the closet. Over the last few weeks only some of it got folded and piled on the floor…the rest was just piled out of the dryer…how do I live like that? The books I have bought over the last 6 weeks were added to the bookshelf or I should say they were added to the makeshift shelf on the floor as the actual shelf is over flowing. Lol! I walked home from the metro station today and enjoyed it. I loved the blue sky, the snow that has started melting, the runoff that is flowing down the driveways, I could go on. I skipped Institute tonight but have been listening to music and just being happy, whether I was cleaning or singing, or the 50 other things I did around the house tonight. It is a nice feeling. It will be a few more days before the funk completely wears off……but I am almost there.
And to add to the good mood of the evening my good friend Boo just called to invite me to see the Chinese New Year Show at The National Theatre. I am excited.

A very different emotion from the one I was experiencing at the last post……..what does that say about me…maybe it is not normal that is so mood lifting but Clean? Food for thought.

What to write......

So I want to write. I want to purge what ever thoughts are weighing me down. But I am not sure what to write. There are so many things that are running around in my head. But where do I start and what do I say. Maybe I should just say nothing. Maybe I should keep this light and airy...I can be good at that when I want to. I might not be a master at creating conversation, usually that takes work for me. I have become quite an artist at babbling about completely pointless things. This makes it easy for me to be shy with out any one knowing. I can pretend that I am out going by talking about some of the most inconsequential things and every thinks that I am just a chatter box. But it is babbling, not a conversation. There is a definite difference.

I went to FHE this week, and remembered how much I hate attending those things with out the posse. Kate and I talked about it afterward. It is just a “munch and mingle”, but it makes it forced socializing. There is so much pressure, especially since I hate walking up to a group and just joining in a conversation. That fear of rejection has never been stronger then those moments. Even tracting as a missionary didn’t cause me this much stress. Prior to moving out to DC I would attend these functions with a book in my pocket. Then I could read while who ever I was with socialized to their hearts content. As a matter of fact, that is how I spent my teenage years. There was many a family activity or outings with friends that I spent the time reading. I have always preferred to read to doing any thing else. When I wanted a break I could always join in. I also loved the ability it gave me to observe. As long as I had a book in my hand I could watch the interaction between those around me. I think this is the reason I always one of the first to know who was “hooking up” who among my friends. It is easy to spot if you are watching the small interactions. Lol!

I miss this part of my life. Since moving here I made the decision to be active in life not just sit and watch it. I must say that as fun as the activities can be, I miss who I used to be. There is a part of me that misses the quiet evenings spent in the pages of my books, the time I had to just pay attention to the quiet, to be in a group and just watch instead of participate. This was my reasoning for attending the Sunday football potlucks every week. It gave me the opportunity to be amidst the chaos and noise and not have to be apart of it. I need the background noise as much as I need not to be social. I do not know what I am going to do now that football is over. Where will I find a group that will allow me to read a book whilst they play? Groups always feel the need to include; they don’t realize that sometimes we don’t need to be included; sometimes we just want to watch.

Now I am complaining that I am too social. Can I get any whinier?

Just as a post script, I know I have an amazing life. One that is full of incredible people. My friends, family, and even acquaintances constantly bring insight into my life that I could never achieve on my own. I am constantly amazed at the many wonderful things that surround me. Therefore I am reduced to complaining that I am not the boring person who did nothing but work, take care of kids, and read books. How sad is that? Lol!

Snow!!

Yeah.....It started snowing yesterday. And now there is about a foot of snow. It is gorgeous. The words "Its a Marshmellow world in the winter when the snow starts to cover the ground......" are skipping through my head. Though I realize that no one else knows this song. That is okay. Today I get to enjoy the Beauty that surrounds em with out having to deal with the cold that is there. Church was cancelled......Meaning I can stay inside in my pajamas all day long......I can sit in my bay window and just watch the wintery world.....I am so excited.


oops....Passage of time.

It is now Monday and my reflections of yesterday are as follows:

1) Snow is Beautiful.

2) 6 girls in one house is a lot

3) Snow is cold

4) 3 Movies in less then 24 hours is also alot

5) Tension is high when there are that many females in that small of a space.

6) I live with some great girls..............they are definatly individuals.

7) My roommates are really good cooks

8) I eat alot when I have nothing else to do

9) My roommates and I are rarely home all at the same time.

10) When we are home together it is never for this long of a period

11) After having nothing to do for that long...I was itching to get back to work!

So this is what I learned this weekend. I now have a different view on a few things. Good but different.

Back track.....

So a long time ago I got tagged and never followed up. So here you go. It is nothing monumental and those who know me probably know all of the answers. Lol!


Four Jobs I've Had:
1) Receptionist
2) Medical Receptionist
3)Customer Service Rep
4) Stand in Mommy

Four Places I've Lived:
1) Akron, Ohio
2) Hampton, NH
3) Rhyadh, Saudi Arabia
4) Provo, Utah

Four Movies I'd Watch Again:
1) Something New
2) Anne of Green Gables
3) Better Off Dead
4) The Family Stone

Four TV Shows I love to Watch:
1) Gilmore Girls
2) Extreme Makeover Home Edition
3) Will and Grace
4) House

Four of my Favorite Foods:
1) Cheese Enchiladas
2) Chips of any sort
3) Hummus
4) Steak

Four Places I'd rather be right now:
1) At home, Reading a book
2) On a beach some place warm, Reading a book
3) In the mountains somewhere, Reading a book
4) Greece
(I had to break up the trend, though to be honest I'd probably have a book in my purse)


So there you go. Unfortunately by tomorrow morning all of those answers will have changed. I am flighty and fickle. Lol!

Step-dads?

I read a book this week. I know something new. Lol!But it has caused much contemplation on various subjects. The book is titled Man and Boy by Tony Parsons. The Boston Herald states that it is "A funny yet penetrating look at divorce, parenthood, and generational conflict....the strength of Man and Boy lies in its plainspoken honesty." Now I am not recommending this book be read. Who knows if it is something you would enjoy. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It was interesting enough that I read it through the Super Bowl (this does not say much, I would have read soup can labels during the Super Bowl) and the last period of this week’s Caps game (a testament of how bad we were playing that day). There is profanity, there is adultery, and there are pearls of wisdom.....there is so much. So I have found a whole new set of literature. This is book was described as "guy-lit". This is a point of view I do not have.

There were many things that I took away from this book, but the one I want to write about today was the changing relationship of main character and his girlfriend’s daughter. Basic information needed:
Main Character: Harry; Son: Pat; Girlfriend: Cyd; Cyd's Daughter: Peggy.
Background story: Harry and Wife divorced, wife moved to Japan, left Pat with Harry. Harry met Cyd became friends then started dating. Pat met Peggy first day of school they become good friends. Due to Cyd's work schedule Peggy at Pat's house 4-5 days a week.

At one point in the story Harry ponders on the fact that the relationship between Harry and Peggy will never be like the one that he shares with Pat. That there is a awkwardness between children and their step-parents regardless of love. That in a positive relationship there is the desire for liking. Where as children have that innate desire to love and to feel loved by their biological parents, step parents don’t have that safety. When the relationship is good they want the children to like them. They want to be liked by the children. Harry states that he doesn’t know if he was to be Peggy’s friend or her father, if he was to be sweetness and light, or firm but fair. None of it felt right to him. And then follows the scene where Peggy’s dead beat dad comes to take her to the lunch. Peggy being 5 is extremely excited. It’s lunch with my Daddy, what could be more enjoyable? When Peggy returns with some huge stuffed animal, giddy with the memories of her day with Daddy, Harry recognizes that “you can’t compete with blood.”

And here is the major part of my contemplation of late. For those that don’t know, my parents divorced when I was 12. Both are remarried. Now my father, Mike, and I have a newer relationship. We are currently going on a year of constant contact. His wife is too close to my age (7 or 8 years older then me) for me to see her as any sort of parental figure. This caused problems when I was 14 and she was 22, not so much now that we are both older. We look at the relationship as friendly acquaintances with the possibility of becoming actual friends. She is a good woman an interesting outlook on life. My step-dad, Kent, is a completely different story. He and my mother were married when I was 12. He became my father figure. Mike was either across the country or out of the country There was spotty contact with us for many years. So Kent became my dad. I even wanted to change my name at one point. As I read I wondered what fears he had coming into a marriage that had 4 kids that he didn’t understand. There are still things he doesn’t understand, like how emotional we can get. This baffles him. I have watched him struggle between how he treats his kids and how he treats us. He tries. He loves us. That is all I can say. He is an amazing man who tries very hard to love all of his children. I love both of my fathers. I know they both love me. I now feel bad for the times as a child that I could not contain the excitement of seeing Mike (Yes I know this is silly). I remember Kent trying to help me with the pain and anger at what I perceived as “my fathers” unkindness. But I read and realized that the feelings of children are seen as an “either or”. In the book, Harry sees the love Peggy has for her father and is jealous of it and angry at said father’s neglect of it. Children seem to see in black and white and have to learn to guard their feelings. He is Daddy; he loves me and is coming to see me, why should I not tell the work how excited I am. What Harry has yet to learn is that as Peggy grew it could become something other than an “either or”. I love both of my fathers, I am grateful for the things that I have learned from them. I never want Kent to feel as if he takes a back seat to Mike. Kent is one of my heroes, for all of his faults; he is one of the best men I know. I would not have what little self esteem I have with out him. I would not have the desire for truth and knowledge with out him. I love him I don’t tell him that often enough. I think I will remind him today.

So I haven't written in a while. People are commenting that I am a slacker. While I admit that I could be termed a slacker, I can't fully blame it for my laziness in this instance. To tell the truth it is fear. For some reason, I am no longer able to pretend that no one reads my blog. For the most part I don’t know who does read it. This makes me extremely nervous. Now I worry about what to write....SO be patient while I get my....groove.......back. Lol!

Up late.....In Early

So last night was yet another stupid idea on my part. I tried the new Black Cherry and Vanilla Coke. Fortunately, I liked it. Unfortunately, I had it at around 8 pm and I drank all 20 ounces. Do you know what this means? Well to immune people, like my roommate Kate, it means absolutely nothing. But to those of us a little more susceptible to caffeine, it means a very long night. So I was up late, and then up early for work today. On a good note my hair is straight. And I got to talk to one of my older brothers for a bit. Other then that it was surf the net until I was finally tired. Then up at 6 for work, where I have 30 minutes to kill. No one has their blog up so I am stuck trying to figure out a blog topic for myself. The inspiration is not coming. I am sure I will have one later. Like, maybe, I will finally get around to responding to the tag from a couple of weeks ago. Maybe at lunch.